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In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing. v.21

In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing. v. 21
The present generation is steering towards an unhealthy lifestyle resulting in obesity. This is at an alarming rate in some countries and is spreading wider across the globe. While overweight poses a threat to health and fitness of the current generation, also passing the risk to the future generation as well. There are several factors for this issue and this essay will shed light on a couple of them with possible solutions. Firstly, the technological advancement is to be blamed. The growing number of computer-based jobs have restricted employees to minimal physical activities, and the introduction of intra-office messaging has further reduced the need for people to move around. For instance, in most software companies, the culture of messaging to colleagues who are in the adjacent cubicles is increasing. The solutions will be to encourage the employees to have intermittent breaks with simple stretching exercises. Also, they could be encouraged to have more face-to-face communication, thereby, not just achieving a physical activity, but also workplace integration. Another important factor is the growing fast food consumption. Marketed as quick-to-prepare, these processed foods have several ingredients, which possibly remain the major reason for obesity. For example, fast food chain like KFC and Mc Donald's are known to serve burger and chicken with a greater amount of calories, which may not be required for a single meal. The solution is with the government to educate people about the health hazards so that people learn to avoid processed food. Also, the government could enforce the companies to manufacture much healthier food thereby contributing to a healthier society. To conclude, both the people and government should work together to address the issue on the obesity. It will not just reduce their weight, but also an increased life with a greater health and fitness.
The present generation is steering towards an unhealthy lifestyle resulting in obesity. This is at an alarming rate in
some
countries and is spreading wider across the globe. While overweight poses a threat to health and fitness of the
current
generation,
also
passing the
risk
to the future generation
as well
. There are several factors for this issue and this essay will shed light on a couple of them with possible solutions.

Firstly
, the technological advancement is to
be blamed
. The growing number of computer-based jobs have restricted employees to minimal physical activities, and the introduction of
intra-office
messaging has
further
reduced
the need for
people
to
move
around.
For instance
, in most software
companies
, the culture of messaging to colleagues who are in the adjacent cubicles is increasing. The solutions will be to encourage the employees to have intermittent breaks with simple stretching exercises.
Also
, they could
be encouraged
to have more face-to-face communication, thereby, not
just
achieving a physical activity,
but
also
workplace integration.

Another
important
factor is the growing
fast
food
consumption. Marketed as quick-to-prepare, these processed
foods
have several ingredients, which
possibly
remain the major reason for obesity.
For example
,
fast
food
chain like KFC and
Mc
Donald's
are known
to serve burger and chicken with a greater amount of calories, which may not
be required
for a single meal. The solution is with the
government
to educate
people
about the health hazards
so
that
people
learn to avoid processed
food
.
Also
, the
government
could enforce the
companies
to manufacture much healthier
food
thereby contributing to a healthier society.

To conclude
, both the
people
and
government
should work together to address the issue on the obesity. It will not
just
reduce
their weight,
but
also
an increased life with a greater health and fitness.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing. v. 21

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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