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In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing. v.25

In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing. v. 25
The overweight of people is a global issue as the number of obese people is increasing in many countries.   At the same time, the quality of their health and fitness are declining. Some individuals assume that these matters are occurred because of over-consumption of fast foods, sedentary lifestyle and lack of consciousness. In spite of the horrible effects of this lifestyle, people can minimise those trends by eating some organic vegetables and fruits frequently and doing exercise regularly. To begin with, fast foods are the major cause of overweight. Every person who loves consuming these meals has a tendency to obtain inappropriate weight, particularly, obesities. In fact, junk foods contain less nutrition and more fat. This circumstance may come from ingredients which are used to produce the foods. Fast foods, in most of the cases, contain ingredients which are harmful to our body and cause rapid weight gain. Secondly, people nowadays live a sedentary lifestyle and rely on technology to do their tasks. They even rely on ready-made foods to avoid cooking at home. Reliance on the computer and the internet has decreased their outdoor activities and very few people these days participate in sports and exercises. As a result, their health condition is decreasing as well as weight is increasing. Finally, the lack of consciousness among people is another reason for this to happen. Apart from teens and children most of us know the harmful side effects of fast food intake and not doing exercises. Yet, we choose to live a life that we know would be harmful to us. However, the preceding issue can be deterred by few steps. Firstly, people should get used to purchasing organic vegetables and fruits which do not contain chemicals. Although the prices of these organic foods are not cheap as non-organic one, benefits are indispensable to support our healthy. Secondly, it is often stated that to keep your body in good condition requires exercises daily basis. Doing sport can be adequate help to obtain ideal weight. For instance, going to the gym every week and walking in the evening can keep our body from being sick. We need to avoid fast foods as much as possible and put more effort on staying healthy by getting involved in physical exercises. The government can build more sports centres and gyms to encourage people to take part in exercises and reducing pollution would be another effective measure that should be ensured from the government’s end. In brief, people may choose to eat fast foods; however, this behaviour can cause serious health issues. It would be better if people seek more information about the foods and doing sport to decrease the disadvantages of fast foods.
The overweight of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is a global issue as the number of obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is increasing in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
At the same time, the quality of their health and fitness are declining.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals assume that these matters
are occurred
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of over-consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, sedentary lifestyle and lack of consciousness.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
the horrible effects of this lifestyle,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimise' is British English.
minimise
those trends by eating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
organic vegetables and fruits
frequently
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
regularly
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are the major cause of overweight. Every person who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
consuming these meals has a tendency to obtain inappropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
,
particularly
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
obesities
. In fact, junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
contain less nutrition and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
. This circumstance may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from ingredients which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to produce the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, in most of the cases, contain ingredients which are harmful to our body and cause rapid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
gain.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a sedentary lifestyle and rely on technology to do their tasks. They even rely on ready-made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
to avoid cooking at home. Reliance on the computer and the internet has decreased their outdoor activities and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
these days participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
.
As a result
, their health condition is decreasing
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
is increasing.

Finally
, the lack of consciousness among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
another reason for this to happen. Apart from teens and children most of us know the harmful side effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
intake and not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
.
Yet
, we choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a life that we know would be harmful to us.

However
, the preceding issue can
be deterred
by few steps.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to purchasing organic vegetables and fruits which do not contain chemicals. Although the prices of these organic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
as non-organic one, benefits are indispensable to support our healthy.
Secondly
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
stated that to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
your body in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
condition requires
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
daily basis.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
can be adequate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to obtain ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
.
For instance
, going to the gym every week and walking in the evening can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
our body from being sick. We need to avoid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
as much as possible and put more effort on staying healthy by getting involved in physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can build more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
and gyms to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
and reducing pollution would be another effective measure that should
be ensured
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.

In brief
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may choose to eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
;
however
, this
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
can cause serious health issues. It would be better if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
seek more information about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
to decrease the disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
47Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing. v. 25

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
450 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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