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In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing. v.23

In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing. v. 23
Weight and health of a person are inter-related aspects. Nowadays, it seems that obesity has become a significant concern in some countries, as a result people there are getting relatively unhealthy than before. In this essay, the factors relating to over-weight and the ways to tackle them would be discussed. There seem to be various reasons on why people become a victim of obesity. Firstly, the popularity of public and private vehicles have, to a large extent, discouraged people from walking to their works, shopping places etc. Secondly, there are few people who are regularly involved in some forms of exercises to burn their calories. Furthermore, the increasing trend of intake of junk foods like noodles, chips and cafeteria products as burgers, pizzas etc. have significantly contributed to dumping calories in people. For example, a guy from my neighbourhood does not go to the gym and takes a large amount of high-calorie fast foods. As a result, his weight is 74 kg while he is only 20 years old. Modifications in sedentary lifestyles and proper diet could certainly address the problem to a large extent. To be more specific, consumption of calorie should be done according to the body requirements, by calculating the age, height-weight ratio.   Diet should be balanced, inclusive of fats, carbohydrates, vitamins and minerals in required quantities rather than just oily and spicy. Additionally, exercises are also inevitable factors for a healthy body and it should be encouraged among all age groups. One should be motivated to give up sedentary habits and lead a more active life by walking, running, jogging, going to the gym etc. Therefore, I would like to conclude that inappropriate food habits and non-active lifestyles are the contributors to obesity which can only be dealt with careful meal planning and calorie burning activities.
Weight and health of a person are inter-related aspects. Nowadays, it seems that obesity has become a significant concern in
some
countries,
as a result
people
there are getting
relatively
unhealthy
than
before
. In this essay, the factors relating to over-weight and the ways to tackle them would
be discussed
.

There seem to be various reasons on why
people
become a victim of obesity.
Firstly
, the popularity of public and private vehicles have, to a large extent, discouraged
people
from walking to their works, shopping places etc.
Secondly
, there are few
people
who are
regularly
involved in
some
forms of exercises to burn their calories.
Furthermore
, the increasing trend of intake of junk foods like noodles, chips and cafeteria products as burgers, pizzas etc. have
significantly
contributed to dumping calories in
people
.
For example
, a guy from my
neighbourhood
does not go to the gym and takes a large amount of high-calorie
fast
foods.
As a result
, his weight is 74 kg while he is
only
20 years
old
.

Modifications in sedentary lifestyles and proper diet could
certainly
address the problem to a large extent. To be more specific, consumption of calorie should
be done
according to the body requirements, by calculating the age, height-weight ratio.
 
Diet should
be balanced
, inclusive of fats, carbohydrates, vitamins and minerals in required quantities
rather
than
just
oily and spicy.
Additionally
, exercises are
also
inevitable factors for a healthy body and it should
be encouraged
among all age groups. One should
be motivated
to give up sedentary habits and lead a more active life by walking, running, jogging, going to the gym etc.

Therefore
, I would like
to conclude
that inappropriate food habits and non-active lifestyles are the contributors to obesity which can
only
be dealt
with careful meal planning and calorie burning activities.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing. v. 23

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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