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In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing. v.19

In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing. v. 19
Over the last ten years, there are increasing numbers of overweight people around the world and at the same time, unfortunately, people do less exercise and have more health problems. Indeed, it is not a surprise that the number of fast food restaurants has increased and people have started to be busy and some of them lazy. This essay will discuss two reasons why this has occurred and examine the consequences of this worrying trend. The main cause of the problem of obesity is the prolific increase in the number of fast food restaurants. For example, MacDonald’s, Hungry Jack’s, Pizza Hut. The advertisement of these restaurants focused on children to attract their attention, thus, increasing the number of customers amongst children.   However, not only this, hard working people do not have time to prepare a healthy food at home, instead, they buy processed food such as sausages and meatballs in the closest stores. Also, in the rapidly developing society, there is a need to work harder and spend more hours at the workplace. The measures of this problem have been and will continue to be taken. Firstly, in the TV famous people need to talk more about obesity as a major problem around the world that leads to serious health consequences such as diabetes. Secondly, it is important to promote a healthy lifestyle and life-work balance, which already have been done and will continue to be done. Not only this, great development was introduced to the market, which helps to measure how many steps did a person do during the day. If people start to use it, this will encourage them to do more necessary exercise during the day. To sum up, it is evident that there are several causes of obesity and a variety of negative effects. Society must ensure steps are taken to prevent this problem from deteriorating further.
Over the last ten years, there are increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
of overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world and at the same time, unfortunately,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do less exercise and have more health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
Indeed
, it is not a surprise that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
restaurants has increased and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to be busy and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them lazy. This essay will discuss two reasons why this has occurred and examine the consequences of this worrying trend.

The main cause of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of obesity is the prolific increase in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
restaurants.
For example
, MacDonald’s, Hungry Jack’s, Pizza Hut. The
The usual collocation for "advertisement" is "for" not "of". Did you mean "advertisement for"?
advertisement of
these restaurants focused on children to attract their attention,
thus
, increasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of customers amongst children.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
However
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this,
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have time to prepare a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
at home,
instead
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
such as sausages and meatballs in the closest stores.
Also
, in the
rapidly
developing society, there is a need to work harder and spend more hours at the workplace.

The measures of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
have been and will continue to
be taken
.
Firstly
, in the TV
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to talk more about obesity as a major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
around the world that leads to serious health consequences such as diabetes.
Secondly
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to promote a healthy lifestyle and life-work balance, which already have
been done
and will continue to
be done
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this, great development
was introduced
to the market, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to measure how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
steps did a person do during the day. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it, this will encourage them to do more necessary exercise during the day.

To sum up, it is evident that there are several causes of obesity and a variety of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects. Society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
ensure steps
are taken
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
from deteriorating
further
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing. v. 19

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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