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In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing. v.16

In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing. v. 16
In recent years, there is an increasing trend of obesity among individuals. Overweight is creating several health and fitness related problems. Allow me to analyse the reasons for this issue and possible remedial action. The essay will discuss the possible cause, lack of exercise and the available solution options. Lack of physical exercise attributes as the prime reason for overweight. For example, with the increasing desk jobs and personal comfort, people end up working eight hours a day in front of a computer and travel in the comfort of their personal car. Once they reach home, they spend the majority of the time in front of the television. This lifestyle reduces the amount of physical activity of a person and contributes to their weight gain. Thus, lack of exercise impacts the amount of weight a person gains in a negative way. Increasing popularity of fast food is another major reason for the overweight. People’s choices of tasty but unhealthy foods lead them to gain weight and finally, this food habit creates the obesity problem. Required steps have to be taken to ensure that weights of individuals are in the right ratio per the body mass index; an index used to calculate the appropriate weight for height and weight. Involving in sports related activities and exercise could create wonderful benefits for the body. For instance, football and volleyball are the games that can be played to keep a person fit. Running can also increase the physical stamina of a person. By exercising sports related activities and cross-training activities body weight can be maintained at the correct level. Therefore, improving the duration of physical activities will reduce the overweight gained. To conclude, reduction in the physical activities contributes to the majority of the individual’s weight and health related problems. Indulging in sports activity or joining a cross-training gym is the suggested remedial action to overcome the problem. In coming years I think everyone should spend times to take care of their health by indulging in physical activities.
In recent years, there is an increasing trend of obesity among individuals.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Overweight
is creating
Possible agreement error. The noun health seems to be uncountable; consider using: "some health".
several health
and fitness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
related
problems.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Allow
me to
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
the reasons for this issue and possible remedial action. The essay will discuss the possible cause, lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
and the available solution options.

Lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
attributes as the prime reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
.
For example
, with the increasing desk jobs and personal comfort,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up working eight hours a day in front of a computer and travel in the comfort of their personal car. Once they reach home, they spend the majority of the time in front of the television. This lifestyle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
and contributes to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
gain.
Thus
, lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
impacts the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
gains in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
way. Increasing popularity of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food is another major reason for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
’s choices of tasty
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
unhealthy foods lead them to gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
and
finally
, this food habit creates the obesity problem.

Required steps
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be taken
to ensure that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weights
of individuals are in the right ratio per the body mass index; an index
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to calculate the appropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
for height and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
. Involving in sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
could create wonderful benefits for the body.
For instance
, football and volleyball are the games that can
be played
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
fit. Running can
also
increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
stamina of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
. By exercising sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and cross-training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
body
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
can
be maintained
at the correct level.
Therefore
, improving the duration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
gained.

To conclude
, reduction in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
contributes to the majority of the individual’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
and health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
related
problems. Indulging in sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
or joining a cross-training gym is the suggested remedial action to overcome the problem. In coming years I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
everyone should spend times to take care of their health by indulging in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing. v. 16

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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