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In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing. v.15

In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing. v. 15
Weight-related issues have been on the rise in certain countries resulting in fitness levels moving towards a downward trail. The cause of the issue and preventive measures that can be taken is addressed in this article. The major causes of weight gain in human beings can be attributed to dietary habits and a sedentary lifestyle. The human body is primarily designed to do physical work to digest the food consumed. Inadequate physical exercise leads to fat getting deposited mostly around the stomach and waist areas. Modern food habits are also a major contributor to weight gain. Excess consumption of processed and fatty foods can result in an obese and disease-prone body. Technological development has produced machines that perform work which was once done entirely by humans. This has caused human beings to become lazy and rely on machines even for the smallest possible physical work. Research has shown that citizens of countries whose government emphasis on physical activities (sports) in schools and universities lead a disease-free life. While the issue of weight gain is a serious one, there are a number of simple measures that can be taken to address it. A personal acquaintance of mine had major issues with obesity. Regulated food habits, combined with a disciplined lifestyle and plenty of physical exercises worked wonders for him. Within a matter of months, he became leaner, fitter and extremely cheerful. Governments should create health-awareness programs that throw light on the ill-effects of weight gain and the numerous benefits of maintaining good health. Public swimming pools, jogging grounds should be provided and citizens must avail them at every opportunity. As the old adage goes “A sound mind resides in a sound body”. It is the responsibility of each individual to maintain proper body weight and set an example to their near and dear ones to achieve the goal of a disease-free society.
Weight-related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
have been on the rise in certain countries resulting in fitness levels moving towards a downward trail. The cause of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
and preventive measures that can
be taken
is addressed
in this article.

The major causes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gain
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings can
be attributed
to dietary habits and a sedentary lifestyle.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
is
primarily
designed to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
work to digest the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
consumed. Inadequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
exercise leads to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
getting deposited
mostly
around the stomach and waist areas. Modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
habits are
also
a major contributor to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gain
. Excess consumption of processed and fatty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
can result in an obese and disease-prone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
. Technological development has produced machines that perform work which was once done
entirely
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
. This has caused
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings to become lazy and rely on machines even for the smallest possible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
work.

Research has shown that citizens of countries whose
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
emphasis on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities (sports) in schools and universities lead a disease-free life. While the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gain
is a serious one, there are a number of simple measures that can
be taken
to address it. A personal acquaintance of mine had major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
with obesity. Regulated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
habits, combined with a disciplined lifestyle and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
exercises worked wonders for him. Within a matter of months, he became leaner, fitter and
extremely
cheerful.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
should create health-awareness programs that throw light on the ill-effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gain
and the numerous benefits of maintaining
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health. Public swimming pools, jogging grounds should
be provided
and citizens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
avail them at every opportunity.

“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
adage goes “A sound mind resides in a sound
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body”
. It is the responsibility of each individual to maintain proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
and set an example to their near and dear ones to achieve the goal of a disease-free society.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing. v. 15

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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