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In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing. v.14

In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing. v. 14
According to a study, the average weight of people is increasing in few countries, which is, in turn, reducing their stamina and immunity levels. Overweight is always a problem and overweight causes numerous diseases and reduces the fitness. A healthy human body on an average needs 2000 calories per day. Anymore added calories can cause more harm than good. There are few causes which contribute to this problem. Firstly, the type of foods intake and more advancement in technology is resulting in processed food, which is high in sugar and salt levels. Ready to eat foods like chips, cheese would cause more damage to our digestion system. Secondly, in few countries like India, people eat food at once in large amount instead of eating it in instalments. This habit would result in digestion problems. Thirdly, proper intake of water is another important factor that many people simply ignore. It is said that 3 litres of water per day can avoid any digestion problems. Lastly, lack of exercise: many people, especially in corporate cultures, spend most of their time in front of the desk. Due to these highly pressurised jobs, they find very less time to take walk for at least 10 minutes. As a result of these reasons, a healthy person becomes obese. These causes can be counter measured by following a proper diet which includes all food categories like fruits, vegetables, meats instead of readymade food, hydrating our body across the whole day. And finally, walking should be induced in our daily routine for at least 30 minutes.   It is said that "Prevention is better than cure ". Though we have time constraints with our busy schedules we have to balance between our routine and health.
According to a study, the average weight of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is increasing in few countries, which is, in turn, reducing their stamina and immunity levels. Overweight is always a problem and overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
numerous diseases and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the fitness.

A healthy human body on an average needs 2000 calories per day.
Make sure that 'Anymore' is used as an adverb, not as an adjective. Did you mean "any more"?
Anymore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
calories can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
more harm than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
. There are few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
which contribute to this problem.
Firstly
, the type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
intake and more advancement in technology is resulting in processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, which is high in sugar and salt levels. Ready to eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
like chips, cheese would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
more damage to our digestion system.
Secondly
, in few countries like India,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
at once in large amount
instead
of eating it in
Possible spelling mistake. 'instalments' is British English.
instalments
. This habit would result in digestion problems.

Thirdly
, proper intake of water is another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
simply
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
. It
is said
that 3
Possible spelling mistake. 'litres' is British English.
litres
of water per day can avoid any digestion problems.
Lastly
, lack of exercise:
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
in corporate cultures, spend most of their time in front of the desk. Due to these
highly
Possible spelling mistake. 'pressurised' is British English.
pressurised
jobs, they find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
less time to take walk for at least 10 minutes.
As a result
of these reasons, a healthy person becomes obese.

These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
can be counter measured by following a proper diet which includes all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
categories like fruits, vegetables, meats
instead
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
readymade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, hydrating our body across the whole day. And
finally
, walking should
be induced
in our daily routine for at least 30 minutes.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
It
is said
that
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Prevention is better than cure
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
. Though we have time constraints with our busy schedules we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
balance between our routine and health.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing. v. 14

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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