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In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing. v.13

In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing. v. 13
Nowadays, with the advancement of technology and changes in lifestyles, new and eccentric problems have arisen in the society. Obesity which was a rare sight in the past has become more of a common sight. As most of the developed countries around the world are now facing this issue, the World Health Organization has decided to enlist obesity as a medical condition. Two reasons could be listed down as the main cause for Obesity: firstly, the excessive consumption of fatty food, also known as junk food. Living in a society where time is of utmost importance, people tend to eat foods which are easy and quick to consume. It is this unhealthy diet that consists mostly of fatty food, which is the prime cause of obesity. Secondly, the busy lifestyle which the current society lives in is another reason for this health condition. People travelling in vehicles, using escalators, avoiding every task which needs physical exertion has made them lazy and unhealthy. A healthy diet is the best remedy for obesity. Timely consumption of meals and ensuring that they are full of nutrition’s is the key factor in living a healthy lifestyle. Fresh fruits and home grown vegetables provide those necessary nutrition’s required. In addition to this, exercise and sports help in burning excessive fat and help reducing weight. In conclusion, it is beyond a doubt that obesity is a rapidly growing health concern nowadays. It is time for us live a healthy life for the sake of our next generation. A well-planned diet and plenty of exercises would give birth to a generation that is fit, healthy and above all happy.
Nowadays, with the advancement of technology and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in lifestyles, new and eccentric problems have arisen in the society. Obesity which was a rare sight in the past has become more of a common sight. As most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
around the world are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
facing this issue, the World Health Organization has decided to enlist obesity as a medical condition.

Two reasons could
be listed
down as the main cause for Obesity:
firstly
, the excessive consumption of fatty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
also
known as junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. Living in a society where time is of utmost importance,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
which are easy and quick to consume. It is this unhealthy diet that consists
mostly
of fatty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, which is the prime cause of obesity.
Secondly
, the busy lifestyle which the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in is another reason for this health condition.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
travelling in vehicles, using escalators, avoiding every task which needs physical exertion has made them lazy and unhealthy.

A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
diet is the best remedy for obesity. Timely consumption of meals and ensuring that they are full of nutrition’s is the key factor in living a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle. Fresh fruits and
This word is normally spelled as one.
home grown
vegetables provide those necessary nutrition’s required.
In addition
to this, exercise and sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in burning excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
The verb 'help' is used with an infinitive: "to reduce" or "reduce".
reducing
weight.

In conclusion
, it is beyond a doubt that obesity is a
rapidly
growing health concern nowadays. It is time for us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
life for the sake of our
next
generation. A well-planned diet and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of exercises would give birth to a generation that
is fit
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
and
above all
happy.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing. v. 13

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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