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In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them v.1

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them v. 1
In many countries, people are dealing with the issue of weight gaining due to this their health is declining day by day. In my opinion, the main reason of this is unhealthy lifestyle. One can tackle this problem by adopting a healthy lifestyle. The predominant cause of this is an individual's busy work schedule. Because of that, it becomes difficult for them to extract time for exercise, which would become a cause of their overweight. Moreover, people, today prefer to eat junk food over home made food because the restaurants make it delicious by adding various spices to it and deep fried. But, they do not know how the fast food can profoundly affect the health of one person. For instance, a survey was conducted by an agency in which they found that number of human beings who have a regular intake of the junk food are more prone to the severe diseases such as obesity and overweight. Thus, people should certainly avoid eating the fast food. There are several countermeasures to curb this situation. By making the routine of regular exercise one can save him from this trouble. If the health of a person is good, then he can easily concentrate on his work, thus get the success in all aspects of life. It is a fact that workout boost up the stamina and immunity of a person, which would control the weight of a person and shield him from many ailments such as obesity. Moreover, if people try to develop the habit of eating healthy meal inclusive of all nutrients and proteins, then there is less chances of becoming victim of these diseases. Thus, building the habit of doing the physical workout can protect the people from a plethora of health hazards. To conclude, in order to control the situation of overweight, one must do exercise and eat healthy foodstuff. Otherwise, the whole world would be in a huge dilemma.
In
many
countries,
people
are dealing with the issue of weight gaining due to this their
health
is declining day by day. In my opinion, the main reason of this is unhealthy lifestyle. One can tackle this problem by adopting a healthy lifestyle.

The predominant cause of this is an individual's busy work schedule.
Because
of that, it becomes difficult for them to extract time for exercise, which would become a cause of their overweight.
Moreover
,
people
,
today
prefer to eat junk
food
over home made
food
because
the restaurants
make
it delicious by adding various spices to it and
deep fried
.
But
, they do not know how the
fast
food
can
profoundly
affect the
health
of one
person
.
For instance
, a survey
was conducted
by an agency in which they found that number of human beings who have a regular intake of the junk
food
are more prone to the severe diseases such as obesity and overweight.
Thus
,
people
should
certainly
avoid eating the
fast
food.

There are several countermeasures to curb this situation. By making the routine of regular exercise one can save him from this trouble. If the
health
of a
person
is
good
, then he can
easily
concentrate on his work,
thus
get
the success in all aspects of life. It is a fact that workout boost up the stamina and immunity of a
person
, which would control the weight of a
person
and shield him from
many
ailments such as obesity.
Moreover
, if
people
try to develop the habit of eating healthy meal inclusive of all nutrients and proteins, then
there is less chances
of becoming victim of these diseases.
Thus
, building the habit of doing the physical workout can protect the
people
from a plethora of
health
hazards.

To conclude
, in order to control the situation of overweight, one
must
do exercise and eat healthy foodstuff.
Otherwise
, the whole world would be in a huge dilemma.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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