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In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What are the main causes and what measures could be taken to solve these problems? v.1

In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What are the main causes and what measures could be taken to solve these problems? v. 1
In this fast-paced world, several countries are witnessing a rise in obesity and associated health challenges among their population. In my opinion, there are various factors such as sedentary lifestyle and unhealthy eating habits that cause these issues. However, several measures can be taken to curb these problems. Factors that contribute to obesity are manifold. The advent of information technology has seen a drastic change in lifestyle. Jobs are desk-bound and involve limited physical activity. Further, these jobs entail late work hours. As a result, people tend to rely on ready-to-eat food, rich in fats and salt content, rather than home cooked food. Lack of physical activity, coupled with fast food consumption has resulted in a rapid increase in average weight of people across several countries, impacting their health. For example, a study conducted in the UK indicates that the average weight of an individual in the 20th century is 28% more than the average weight of individuals in the 19th century. This study has also seen a corresponding increase in associated non-communicable diseases such as diabetes, arthritis and cardiac problems. Obesity, and its linked health challenges are one of the leading concerns that several countries face. However, there are measures that people can take to counter these issues. One measure is to incorporate physical activity. Simple exercises such as walking, jogging or yoga increases physical fitness. Several studies have found that these activities release hormones called endorphins that promote physical and mental well being. Another measure is to consume a balanced and nutritious diet. Fruits and green leafy vegetables are rich in fibre and help combat obesity by giving people a sense of fullness. Today, many public and private sector companies are incorporating campaigns to create awareness on the above mentioned measures to promote a healthy lifestyle for their employees. To conclude, factors such as awareness, physical activity and dietary control help in combating obesity. Individuals should implement these measures to attain good health.
In this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced world, several countries are witnessing a rise in obesity and associated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
challenges among their population. In my opinion, there are various factors such as sedentary lifestyle and unhealthy eating habits that cause these issues.
However
, several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
can
be taken
to curb these problems.

Factors that contribute to obesity are manifold. The advent of information technology has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a drastic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in lifestyle. Jobs are desk-bound and involve limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
.
Further
, these jobs entail late work hours.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to rely on ready-to-eat food, rich in fats and salt content,
rather
than home cooked food. Lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
, coupled with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food consumption has resulted in a rapid increase in average weight of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
across several countries, impacting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
For example
, a study conducted in the UK indicates that the average weight of an individual in the 20th century is 28% more than the average weight of individuals in the 19th century. This study has
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a corresponding increase in associated non-communicable diseases such as diabetes, arthritis and cardiac problems. Obesity, and its linked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
challenges are one of the leading concerns that several countries face.

However
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can take to counter these issues. One
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measure
is to incorporate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
. Simple exercises such as walking, jogging or yoga increases
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
fitness. Several studies have found that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
release hormones called endorphins that promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
and mental
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measure
is to consume a balanced and nutritious diet. Fruits and green leafy vegetables are rich in
Possible spelling mistake. 'fibre' is British English.
fibre
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
combat obesity by giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
a sense of fullness.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
public and private sector
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are incorporating campaigns to create awareness on the above mentioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
to promote a healthy lifestyle for their employees.

To conclude
, factors such as awareness,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
and dietary control
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in combating obesity. Individuals should implement these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
to attain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What are the main causes and what measures could be taken to solve these problems? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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