Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

In some countries, the average weight of children is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing. What are the causes of these problems? What measures could be taken to solve them? v.3

In some countries, the average weight of children is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing. What are the causes of these problems? What measures could be taken to solve them? v. 3
With the development of the modern society, some nations encounter the problem of increasing average weight in younger citizens and the declining of their health and fitness condition. This essay will outline the causes of the issues and how can we deal with the issues. To begin with, nowadays children often eat too much junk food every day. The main reasons are that parents have less time to keep the eyes on them due to the busy works and that fast food restaurants are too many that it is quite easy to find one on the street. In addition, children have less chance to exercise because of the urbanization in huge cities in where there are fewer spaces to do sports. For example, it is really challenging to find a wide and open field to play baseball in giant cities such as Hong Kong and Tokyo. To solve the problems, schools can offer more food with balanced nutrition at school and encourage pupils, whose parents are too busy to cook at home, to eat on campus. Thus, it will limit the opportunity to eat outside for young students. Furthermore, governments should persuade the builders to leave bigger land for parks when they plan to construct the high-rising building through reducing their tax. Therefore, there will be more space for recreations in the city center. In conclusion, according to my observation, the health problems of our beloved children are caused by the lack of exercise and by eating too much junk food. To solve the dilemma, in my opinions, schools should provide healthy food and encourage students to have meal on campus. Additionally, authorities should persuade constructors to release more fields in urban through tax reduction.
With the development of the modern society,
some
nations encounter the problem of increasing average weight in younger citizens and the declining of their health and fitness condition. This essay will outline the causes of the issues and how can we deal with the issues.

To
begin
with, nowadays children
often
eat too much junk
food
every day. The main reasons are that parents have less time to
keep
the eyes on them due to the busy works and that
fast
food
restaurants are too
many
that it is quite easy to find one on the street.
In addition
, children have less chance to exercise
because
of the urbanization in huge cities in where there are fewer spaces to do sports.
For example
, it is
really
challenging to find a wide and open field to play baseball in giant cities such as Hong Kong and Tokyo.

To solve the problems, schools can offer more
food
with balanced nutrition at school and encourage pupils, whose parents are too busy to cook at home, to eat on campus.
Thus
, it will limit the opportunity to eat outside for young students.
Furthermore
,
governments
should persuade the builders to
leave
bigger land for parks when they plan to construct the high-rising building through reducing their tax.
Therefore
, there will be more space for recreations in the city center.

In conclusion
, according to my observation, the health problems of our beloved children
are caused
by the lack of exercise and by eating too much junk
food
. To solve the dilemma, in my opinions, schools should provide healthy
food
and encourage students to have meal on campus.
Additionally
, authorities should persuade constructors to release more fields in urban through tax reduction.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, the average weight of children is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing. What are the causes of these problems? What measures could be taken to solve them? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts