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Professional sports are a very large industry in the world today. The most elite players can get contracts worth many millions of dollars. Some say the is too much money in sports and that it defeats the purpose of the actual game. Do you agree or disagree v.2

Professional sports are a very large industry in the world today. The most elite players can get contracts worth many millions of dollars. Some say the is too much money in sports and that it defeats the purpose of the actual game. v. 2
Elite participants of professional sport these days are seen receiving contracts with millions of dollars, which they are deemed to be overpaid, fading the real purpose of the game. In my opinion, although these professional players receive an excess salary, I still believe that there are reasons for this phenomenon. On the one hand, it is true that an excessive amount of money is paid to sports players, which is still not a vital service for the society. For example, professional footballers in international competitions make enormous salaries for just by kicking a ball. Without such big sports competitions, people can still live happily as it only plays the role of a form of entertainment. In contrast, professionals like nurses, doctors, teachers are examples of people who made such dedication to society that should be valued more. On the flip side of the coin, it is still fair for sports professionals to receive large sums of money for their plays. Firstly, there is a wide number of sports players in every nation, but only a minority become elite players. Secondly, sport is a prominent entertainment industry, a large audience of sports fans are willing to buy tickets to watch celebrities playing. Besides that, television games or sports events with these famous figures with high entertaining rates also attract millions of viewers. Thus, it is reasonable to reward these top sports persons for their hard work, trials, and practice. In conclusion, although skillful sports persons receive large amounts of money for their salary, for the fun and money that they bring to people and the economy, they are worthy of their rewards.
Elite participants of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
these days are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
receiving contracts with millions of dollars, which they
are deemed
to be overpaid, fading the real purpose of the game. In my opinion, although these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
receive an excess salary, I
still
believe that there are reasons for this phenomenon.

On the one hand, it is true that an excessive amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is paid
to
The verb after "to" should be in the base form: "sport".
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
, which is
still
not a vital service for the society.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
footballers in international competitions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
enormous salaries for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by kicking a ball. Without such
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
competitions,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
happily
as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
plays the role of a form of entertainment.
In contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
like nurses, doctors, teachers are examples of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who made such dedication to society that should
be valued
more.

On the flip side of the coin, it is
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
to receive large sums of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for their plays.
Firstly
, there is a wide number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
in every nation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a minority become elite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is a prominent entertainment industry, a large audience of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
fans are willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
tickets to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
celebrities playing.
Besides
that, television games or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
with these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
figures with high entertaining rates
also
attract millions of viewers.
Thus
, it is reasonable to reward these top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
persons for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work, trials, and practice.

In conclusion
, although skillful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
persons receive large amounts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for their salary, for the fun and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
that they bring to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and the economy, they are worthy of their rewards.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Professional sports are a very large industry in the world today. The most elite players can get contracts worth many millions of dollars. Some say the is too much money in sports and that it defeats the purpose of the actual game. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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