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In some countries, small town-center shops are going out of business because people tend to drive to large out-of-town stores. As a result, people without cars have limited access to out-of town stores, and it may result in an increase in the use of cars. v.3

In some countries, small town-center shops are going out of business because people tend to drive to large out-of-town stores. As a result, people without cars have limited access to out-of town stores, and it may result in an increase in the use of cars. v. 3
With the drastically economic development, the changing of sales methods and sizes leads to many controversial issues in the modern world. Nowadays, people tend driving to the out-of-town mega supermarket making the small town-center shops go out of business. Consequently, people without cars meet the difficulty in accessing to out-of-town stores, and it may increase the car population in the near future. In my opinion, the disadvantages are more worth to consider than the benefits. In some perspectives, the changing of business method can brings back a few advantages. As we all know, small shop is absolutely going to obsolete in the near future and the disappearance of these shops can make the management of the government much more easier when the government just have to control specific mega shopping center. The saving budget from managing the detached shops can be transferred into the transportation expense to upgrade the transport systems. The lower proportion of center shops also motivates people purchasing cars which definitely merges the total economic growth. However, I think that the negative effects that the changing created are more remarkable. In some third-world countries or developing countries, a car is an unaffordable transportation with major civilians. For example, in Vietnam, purchasing personal car is a luxurious thing for only high class. If the extinction of small center shops comes true, most of Vietnam’s citizens cannot access the rural large shopping center to buy merchandise. Although considering developed countries, this changing still leads to many drawbacks. For instance, the more residents drive cars, the more regular traffic congestions happen. To conclude, the fact that small town-center shops are going out of business because people tend to drive to large out-of-town stores can bring out more drawbacks than the advantages. I highly recommend that the government should remain the existence of center shops until fully developing the transport system and the economics.
With the
drastically
economic development, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changing
of sales methods and sizes leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
controversial issues in the modern world. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend driving to the out-of-town mega supermarket making the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
town-center
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
go out of business.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the difficulty in accessing to out-of-town stores, and it may increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
population in the near future. In my opinion, the disadvantages are more worth to consider than the benefits.

In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
perspectives, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changing
of business method can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "bring"
brings
back a few advantages. As we all know,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
is
absolutely
going to obsolete in the near future and the disappearance of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the management of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
much
Use only "easier" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more easier
when the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
control specific mega shopping center. The saving budget from managing the detached
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
can
be transferred
into the transportation expense to upgrade the transport systems. The lower proportion of center
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
also
motivates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
purchasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
which definitely merges the total economic growth.

However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changing
created are more remarkable. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
third-world countries or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
is an unaffordable transportation with major civilians.
For example
, in Vietnam, purchasing personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
is a luxurious thing for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. If the extinction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
center
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
true, most of Vietnam’s citizens cannot access the rural large shopping center to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
merchandise. Although considering
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changing
still
leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks.
For instance
, the more residents drive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
, the more regular traffic congestions happen.

To conclude
, the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
town-center
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
are going out of business
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to drive to large out-of-town stores can bring out more drawbacks than the advantages. I
highly
recommend that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should remain the existence of center
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
until
fully
developing the transport system and the economics.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, small town-center shops are going out of business because people tend to drive to large out-of-town stores. As a result, people without cars have limited access to out-of town stores, and it may result in an increase in the use of cars. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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