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In some countries, small town-center shops are going out of business because people tend to drive to large out-of-town stores. As a result, people without cars have limited access to out-of-town stores, and it may result in an increase in the use of cars. Do you think the disadvantages of this change outweigh its advantages? v.1

In some countries, small town-center shops are going out of business because people tend to drive to large out-of-town stores. As a result, people without cars have limited access to out-of-town stores, and it may result in an increase in the use of cars. Do you think the disadvantages of this change outweigh its advantages? v. 1
These days, more and more people prefer to do shopping at large malls rather than small local stores. It is often said that this trend may have negative effects on shoppers who have not their own cars and it could contribute to increase in automobile usage. This essay will outline the benefits and drawbacks of this trend and provide my overall opinion. From an overall perspective, there are a number of advantages of doing shopping by going to large shopping malls where are placed relatively far away from the local stores. Perhaps the main advantage of this trend is that big stores offer people to have access of variety of products in a single building, as a result, they might not need to go to another shopping centre to find an another product which they need. A good illustration of this is that a person can both purchase a computer and some grocery products in a modern large shopping mall, whereas they could not find those products in a local store simultaneously. Despite these arguments, these are also various disadvantages. One of the most obvious of these is that people who have not a personal car could not access easily to large out-of-town stores. As a result of this, their shopping preferences might be limited. A further point against this is that the large malls may cause to decrease in competitiveness in the market. If a store will be a monopoly in the market, product prices are highly likely settled by these stores, which could negatively affect on the consumers’ favour. Another one, it may cause growth in the use of automobiles, which may result in the air pollution by increasing carbon emissions. To conclude, I am of the opinion that going for shopping to large out-of-town stores has had an overall negative effect on the people’s favour and nature.
These days, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
rather
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
said that this trend may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on shoppers who have not their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
cars and it could contribute to increase in automobile usage. This essay will outline the benefits and drawbacks of this trend and provide my
overall
opinion.

From an
overall
perspective, there are a number of advantages of doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
by going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
where
are placed
relatively
far away from the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
. Perhaps the main advantage of this trend is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have access of variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in a single building,
as a result
, they might not need to go to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
to find an another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
which they need. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of this is that a person can both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
a computer and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
grocery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in a modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
, whereas they could not find those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in a local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
simultaneously
.

Despite these arguments, these are
also
various disadvantages. One of the most obvious of these is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have not a personal car could not access
easily
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
out-of-town
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
.
As a result
of this, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
preferences might
be limited
. A
further
point against this is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
may cause
Did you mean "decreasing"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'cause' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to decrease
in competitiveness in the market. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
will be a monopoly in the market,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
prices are
highly
likely settled by these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
, which could
negatively
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
on the consumers’
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
. Another one, it may cause growth in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of automobiles, which may result in the air pollution by increasing carbon emissions.

To conclude
, I am of the opinion that going for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
out-of-town
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
has had an
overall
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
and nature.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, small town-center shops are going out of business because people tend to drive to large out-of-town stores. As a result, people without cars have limited access to out-of-town stores, and it may result in an increase in the use of cars. Do you think the disadvantages of this change outweigh its advantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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