Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

In some countries, secondary schools aim to provide a general education across a range of subjects. In others, children focus on a narrow range of subjects related to a particular career. Which of these two systems is more appropriate in today's v.2

In some countries, secondary schools aim to provide a general education across a range of subjects. In others, children focus on a narrow range of subjects related to a particular career. Which of these two systems is more appropriate in today's v. 2
Secondary school curriculum can be organised in a variety of ways. While several countries adopt the education system which orientates the students in a specific profession, I believe that the teenagers should have access to a comprehensive learning program with a wide range of subjects. To begin with, a learning program providing knowledge of a major subject is beneficial in some ways. Being exposed to expertise and skills required by a certain speciality at the young age, the students would stand a great chance to not only have a well-defined career path, but also become competent workers in their later life. For example, with students having ambition to work as translators or applied language researchers in the future, it is a course of basic grammar and vocabulary at their secondary school that can realize the dream. In addition, current society of specialization tends to favor employees with a good grounding in a single field over those who have general knowledge but do not expert in a particular area. Therefore, it is absurd to say that such career-driven programs are not appropriate to today' s world. In stark contrast, however, it is better for the teenagers to have access to a curriculum containing basic knowledge of various fields. The last purpose of developing the comprehensive thinking of children should lie at the heart of any secondary school learning program, as they seem to be too young to decide on a specific occupation to follow at that age. An ideal job is one that provides enjoyment for the workers, and it is a well-rounded course that can help children seek for a major they are interested in and nurture the passion for it. To illustrate, secondary schools in the UK aim to teach children different subjects ranging from Math to Arts, and their educational philosophy is to put job orientation in the high school curriculum. In conclusion, my opinions are on par with the idea that secondary schoolchildren should be supplied with knowledge in as many fields as possible.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum can be
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
in a variety of ways. While several countries adopt the education system which orientates the students in a specific profession, I believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
should have access to a comprehensive learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
with a wide range of subjects.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, a learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
of a major subject is beneficial in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways.
Being exposed
to expertise and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
required by a certain
Possible spelling mistake. 'speciality' is British English.
speciality
at the young age, the students would stand a great chance to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have a well-defined career path,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
become competent workers in their later life.
For example
, with students having ambition to work as translators or applied language researchers in the future, it is a course of basic grammar and vocabulary at their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
that can realize the dream.
In addition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
society of specialization tends to favor employees with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
grounding in a single field over those who have general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
do not expert in a particular area.
Therefore
, it is absurd to say that such career-driven
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
are not appropriate to
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s world.

In stark contrast,
however
, it is better for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to have access to a curriculum containing basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
of various fields. The last purpose of developing the comprehensive thinking of children should lie at the heart of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
, as they seem to be too young to decide on a specific occupation to follow at that age. An ideal job is one that provides enjoyment for the workers, and it is a well-rounded course that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
children seek for a major they
are interested
in and nurture the passion for it. To illustrate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
in the UK aim to teach children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
subjects ranging from Math to Arts, and their educational philosophy is to put job orientation in the high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum.

In conclusion
, my opinions are on par with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
schoolchildren should
be supplied
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
in as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fields as possible.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, secondary schools aim to provide a general education across a range of subjects. In others, children focus on a narrow range of subjects related to a particular career. Which of these two systems is more appropriate in today's v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts