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The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth in overweight people in society? How can this problem be resolved? v.8

The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth in overweight people in society? How can this problem be resolved? v. 8
The overweight people have increased nowadays. There is no doubt that people should take into account the problem of obesity. The essay will look at the reasons for this and propose some solutions. Firstly, one of the main reasons for this issue is that many people are too busy at work so they often eat take away food. People do not have time and energy to take care of their diet, which results in eating too much high calories. However, this issue could be addressed by being aware of the food they absorb and try to cultivate their healthy lifestyle, such as doing exercise regularly. Another problem is that many children are likely to eat fast food after school as parents do not have time to look after them to eat much healthier. This is sometimes very easy to absorb high sugary drink or high-fat snacks which causes children might lack nutrition. To tackle this issue, teachers should support parents to guide children how to have balanced diets and encourage them to take part in sports activities. The third cause of the problem is that people prefer to take public transportation or drive their own cars rather than walk to work or ride bicycles. When people reduce chances to have physical movement, it is likely to cause the problem of obesity. A solution is for the governments to provide many walk or cycle paths in order to persuade the member of public to walk to outdoor. In conclusion, overweight is an increasingly worrying issue, affecting both children and adults, due to reasons such as eating high calorie food or lacking exercise. Everyone has a role to play in tackling this problem. Therefore, people should have balanced lifestyle otherwise they could face other serious health issues not only obesity.
The overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have increased nowadays. There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should take into account the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of obesity. The essay will look at the reasons for this and propose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions.

Firstly
, one of the main reasons for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are too busy at work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
eat take away
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
do not have time and energy to take care of their diet, which results in eating too much high calories.
However
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
could
be addressed
by being aware of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
they absorb and try to cultivate their healthy lifestyle, such as doing exercise
regularly
.

Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are likely to eat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
after school as parents do not have time to look after them to eat much healthier. This is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy to absorb high sugary drink or high-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
snacks which causes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
might lack nutrition. To tackle this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
, teachers should support parents to guide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
how to have balanced diets and encourage them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in sports activities.

The third cause of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to take public transportation or drive their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
cars
rather
than walk to work or ride bicycles. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
chances to have physical movement, it is likely to cause the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of obesity. A solution is for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
to provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
walk or cycle paths in order to persuade the member of public to walk to outdoor.

In conclusion
, overweight is an
increasingly
worrying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
, affecting both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and adults, due to reasons such as eating high calorie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
or lacking exercise. Everyone has a role to play in tackling this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should have balanced lifestyle
otherwise
they could face other serious health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
obesity.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth in overweight people in society? How can this problem be resolved? v. 8

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
298 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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