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In some countries, private cars are banned fro certain city centers. What are the advantages of such a system and do you feel that this is something that most cities should adopt? v.2

In some countries, private cars are banned fro certain city centers. What are the advantages of such a system and do you feel that this is something that most cities should adopt? v. 2
The government of certain countries have prohibited the entry of private cars in city center premises, whereas some other nation’s governments are not moving so strongly against the rules regarding personal cars at city centers. I believe that the cars coming to city centers should be in controlled numbers, instead of just banning it right away. Due to the onset of globalization, the city centers have become a hub for multinational organization’s offices, where thousands of employees come to work, some of whom may live far away from the city. There is an utmost need of a personal vehicle for such people to commute to work daily on time. The fact that not every country’s public transport is so well developed or fully capable of carrying a large number of people to work reliably every day also calls for the need to opt for private vehicles. For example, in my country, India, despite best efforts of government, one can easily find themselves struggling to find a place to even stand on the metro trains. Despite the benefits that cars provide to humans, we should limit their usage and not be over reliant on them. First of all, they are a major source of the increasing level of air pollution in the environment. Secondly, the presence of a large number of cars often leads to ugly traffic jams, which make it impossible to reach anywhere on scheduled time ever. For instance, in India, such is the crisis of road transport in certain cities that it takes over two hours just to cover a mere 30 kilometers. So, to conclude, in my opinion, the need for such drastic measures like banning the cars completely is not imminent in every city, and the governments can instead limit their numbers and solve this problem.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
of certain countries
Did you mean "has"?
have
prohibited the entry of private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
in city center premises, whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other nation’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
are not moving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
strongly
against the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
regarding personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
at city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
centers
. I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
coming to city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
centers
should be in controlled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
,
instead
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
banning it right away.

Due to the onset of globalization, the city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
centers
have become a hub for multinational organization’s offices, where thousands of employees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to work,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of whom may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
far away from the city. There is an utmost need of a personal vehicle for such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to commute to work daily on time. The fact that not every country’s public transport is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well developed
or
fully
capable of carrying a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to work
reliably
every day
also
calls for the need to opt for private vehicles.
For example
, in my country, India,
A determiner is probably missing here: "despite the best".
despite best
efforts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, one can
easily
find themselves struggling to find a place to even stand on the metro trains.

Despite the benefits that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
provide to humans, we should limit their usage and not be over reliant on them.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, they are a major source of the increasing level of air pollution in the environment.
Secondly
, the presence of a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
leads to ugly traffic jams, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it impossible to reach anywhere on scheduled time ever.
For instance
, in India, such is the crisis of road transport in certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
that it takes over two hours
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to cover a mere 30 kilometers.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
to conclude
, in my opinion, the need for such drastic measures like banning the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
completely is not imminent in every city, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
can
instead
limit their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
and solve this problem.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, private cars are banned fro certain city centers. What are the advantages of such a system and do you feel that this is something that most cities should adopt? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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