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In some countries, private cars are banned fro certain city centers. What are the advantages of such a system and do you feel that this is something that most cities should adopt? v.1

In some countries, private cars are banned fro certain city centers. What are the advantages of such a system and do you feel that this is something that most cities should adopt? v. 1
With businesses coming up with new ideas to entertain consumers, access to entertainment has never been easier. In my opinion, people are spending more time on leisure activities than they should. I believe that this has happened because of the plenty of options available for entertainment and also because of a lack of long term personal goals in people. To begin with, there are now plenty of options for fun than before thanks to the internet. As a result, people often get lost trying to choose or they end up spending too much time trying them all out. One can now spend hours watching movies on Netflix or reading celebrity gossip blogs. My personal experience is a compelling example of this. I had a friend called Jonathan who would hang out with us at the university two year ago. Being an English major, he really enjoyed watching English movies. Initially, he would go to the cinema to watch one movie once a week. However, after he bought a Netflix subscription, he would watch at least two movies everyday. Since more choices were available to him, he had this compulsive need to watch more movies. As a result, his grades kept falling. Had he opted to do things he should be doing, such as homework, his grades would not deteriorate. Secondly, more and more people are less concerned about their future. These days, people do not think about their long term goals. Since they are not internally motivated to work hard, they believe that it is okay for them to spend some quality time. An incident from my years at the university, about four years ago, illustrates this point. As a freshman, I was not concerned with my grades at all. I did not know why it was so important to maintain a high CGPA. Hence, when my friend offered to go to a music concert the day before my final exam, I quickly agreed. Even though I had not studied for my assessment, I still chose fun over studying. As a result, I failed that course. If I knew that maintaing a high grade was important for my future career, I would have stayed back and studied for my test. This example illustrates that when people do not understand why they're working hard at something, they tend to slack and spend more leisurely hours. In conclusion, nowadays, I think that people spend more time enjoying themselves than being responsible and working hard. This is the case because there are too many fun things to do out there and people cannot choose. Another reason is that since people worry less about the future now, they tend to choose short-term pleasure instead.
With businesses coming up with new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
to entertain consumers, access to entertainment has never been easier. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are spending more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on leisure activities than they should. I believe that this has happened
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of options available for entertainment and
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of a lack of long term personal goals in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of options for fun than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
thanks to the internet.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
lost trying to
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
choose or
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up spending too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
trying them all out. One can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
hours watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
on Netflix or reading celebrity gossip blogs. My personal experience is a compelling example of this. I had a friend called Jonathan who would hang out with us at the university two year ago. Being an English major, he
really
enjoyed watching English
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
.
Initially
, he would go to the cinema to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
once a week.
However
, after he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
a Netflix subscription, he would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
at least two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
. Since more choices were available to him, he had this compulsive need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
.
As a result
, his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grades
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
falling. Had he opted to do things he should be doing, such as homework, his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grades
would not deteriorate.

Secondly
, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are less concerned about their future. These days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about their long term goals. Since they are not
internally
motivated to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
, they believe that it is okay for them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. An incident from my years at the university, about four years ago, illustrates this point. As a freshman, I was not concerned with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grades
at all. I did not know why it was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to maintain a high CGPA.
Hence
, when my friend offered to go to a music concert the day
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
my final exam, I
quickly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
.
Even though
I had not studied for my assessment, I
still
chose fun over studying.
As a result
, I failed that course. If I knew that
Possible spelling mistake found.
maintaing
a high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grade
was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for my future career, I would have stayed back and studied for my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
. This example illustrates that when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not understand why they're working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
at something, they tend to slack and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
leisurely
hours.

In conclusion
, nowadays, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
enjoying themselves than being responsible and working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
. This is the case
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fun things to do out there and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot choose. Another reason is that since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
worry less about the future
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, they tend to choose short-term pleasure
instead
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, private cars are banned fro certain city centers. What are the advantages of such a system and do you feel that this is something that most cities should adopt? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
450 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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