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in some countries, people who visit art galleries are reducing. What are the reasons? How can this problem be solved? v.1

in some countries, people who visit art galleries are reducing. What are the reasons? How can this problem be solved? v. 1
Art galleries display the imagination of the different minds from past to present where the imaginations of people are portrayed on canvas or on other things. In the recent scenario, the statistics of the people visiting art galleries are constantly declining. There are various factors behind this event. This essay discusses why it is happening and how to resolve this problem. The prime reason behind the lack of visitors at the art gallery is that people of current times are not that much inquisitive about art. Compared to tech gizmos, art seems dreary for them. For them, art galleries are far less entertaining place when comparing to Science museums and theatres. Moreover, the focus of studying art is not common in the schools since most of the schools nowadays prefer to focus more on core subjects like Math and Science which supplement their highbrow skills but they lack in art. To exemplify, children in India do not know about the Vincent van Gough but they know who the Einstein was. That epitomizes how awareness about art lacks. There are various ways in which we can cope with this problem. Firstly, we have to add Art as a subject in the school where not only practical but also theoretical aspects should be focused too, in that way children as well as parents both will take interest in art either in a direct or indirect way. Additionally, in order to attract visitors, art galleries should be refurnished with new varieties of equipment like audio-visual displays, historical documentaries on paintings and art, a detailed description of paintings and so on. To cite an example, the art museum of Guggenheim, New York, gives a presentation on Painter to enlighten the knowledge of visitors. To sum up, instead of only focusing on science, the government should take positive action about increasing focus on art which will ultimately enhance the number of visitors on local as well as international level.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
display the imagination of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
minds from past to present where the imaginations of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are portrayed
on canvas or on other things. In the recent scenario, the statistics of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
are
constantly
declining. There are various factors behind this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
. This essay discusses why it is happening and how to resolve this problem.

The prime reason behind the lack of visitors at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gallery
is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
times are not that much inquisitive about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
. Compared to tech gizmos,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
seems dreary for them. For them,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
are far less entertaining place when comparing to Science museums and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
.
Moreover
, the focus of studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is not common in the schools since most of the schools nowadays prefer to focus more on core subjects like Math and Science which supplement their highbrow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they lack in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
. To exemplify, children in India do not know about the Vincent van Gough
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they know who the Einstein was. That epitomizes how awareness about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
lacks.

There are various ways in which we can cope with this problem.
Firstly
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
as a subject in the school where not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
practical
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
theoretical aspects should
be focused
too, in that way children
as well
as parents both will take interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
either in a direct or indirect way.
Additionally
, in order to attract visitors,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
should
be refurnished
with new varieties of equipment like audio-visual displays, historical documentaries on paintings and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, a detailed description of paintings and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. To cite an example, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
museum of Guggenheim, New York, gives a presentation on Painter to enlighten the knowledge of visitors.

To sum up,
instead
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
focusing on science, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
action about increasing focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
which will
ultimately
enhance the number of visitors on local
as well
as international level.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay in some countries, people who visit art galleries are reducing. What are the reasons? How can this problem be solved? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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