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In some countries people who visit art galleries are reducing. What are the reasons for this? How can this problem be solved? v.4

In some countries people who visit art galleries are reducing. What are the reasons for this? How can this problem be solved? v. 4
In modern life, visiting art galleries are decreased. Today, people neglect the art. This essay will discuss the reasons why visit profession galleries are reducing and how can we solve those problems. I will represent some ways to solve that issue. Evidence suggests some people spend a lot of time on the internet. Actually, it indicated they have more entertainment from the past. Moreover, they don’t attention to art, so they don’t go to a gallery. Museums and galleries should do something to persuade people to go there. For example, museums in the world can represent some of the art on the internet or schools can teach children about the arts’ role. To illustrate that, educating is important, and educating can one way to solve that problem. The other way, they open galleries at the weekend when more people work off. So people can use the off-time to visit galleries. Secondly, some galleries tickets are more expensive and families can’t afford to buy them. Actually, families prefer to spend money on food or other stuff things. But this issue can be solved, if galleries attention to families such as can reduce the price of galleries tickets or some days they sell tickets with just 50 percent of the real price. So families can buy tickets. Summary, considering the points discussed above, art has an important role in real life, but today, people have a lot of entertainment and don’t go to the galleries. However, there are several ways to solve that trouble.
In modern life, visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
are decreased
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
neglect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
. This essay will discuss the reasons why visit profession
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
are reducing and how can we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solve
those problems. I will represent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solve
that issue.

Evidence suggests
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time on the internet. Actually, it indicated they have more entertainment from the past.
Moreover
, they don’t attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they don’t go to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gallery
. Museums and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
should do something to persuade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to go there.
For example
, museums in the world can represent
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
on the internet or schools can teach children about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts’
role. To illustrate that, educating is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, and educating can one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solve
that problem. The other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
, they open
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
at the weekend when more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
work off.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the off-time to visit galleries.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
tickets are more expensive and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
can’t afford to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
them. Actually,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
prefer to spend money on food or other stuff things.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
this issue can
be solved
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
such as can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the price of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
tickets or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
days they sell tickets with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
50 percent of the real price.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
tickets.

Summary, considering the points discussed above,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
has an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in real life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
entertainment and don’t go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
.
However
, there are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solve
that trouble.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
One who speaks only one language is one person, but one who speaks two languages is two people.
Turkish proverb

IELTS essay In some countries people who visit art galleries are reducing. What are the reasons for this? How can this problem be solved? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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