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In some countries, people follow the latest fashion and hairstyles. In your opinion, what is influencing this? Is this a good or bad thing? v.1

In some countries, people follow the latest fashion and hairstyles. In your opinion, what is influencing this? Is this a good or bad thing? v. 1
Citizens of some nations tend to keep up with the latest fashion and hairstyles. In my opinion, celebrity influence is the root cause of this trend and it is a bad thing. Firstly, this essay will discuss how it changes the personality of the person and secondly, how the compulsive urge to stay updated with fashion can be a problematic factor when it comes to finances. A person may become prone to personality disorders when they are overly influenced by a celebrity. Instead of being true to their own self, they start imitating the famous person and become a victim of identity crisis. For example, there has been a case in South India / in the southern region of India where a regular house-wife after being influenced by an actor lost her own personality. She started maintaining the same looks as the said actor and ended up in a failed marriage because her personality altered with the appearance. Following the latest fashion means maintaining an updated wardrobe. Although there may exist a fake/copy of that designer piece, it certainly will not be cheap. Fashion keeps on changing from time to time and being a regular shopper will definitely drain a lot of money that could have been put to a better use. For example, a friend of mine spent a fortune to purchase branded clothes only to find out that it became out of fashion / it became dated the very next year. To conclude, the practice of following latest fashion under the influence of celebrities should be discouraged as it leads to personality disorders as well as financial distress.
Citizens of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
and hairstyles. In my opinion, celebrity influence is the root cause of this trend and it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
thing.
Firstly
, this essay will discuss how it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
of the person and
secondly
, how the compulsive urge to stay updated with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
can be a problematic factor when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to finances.

A person may become prone to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
disorders when they are
overly
influenced by a celebrity.
Instead
of being true to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
self, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
imitating the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
person and become a victim of identity crisis.
For example
, there has been a case in South India / in the southern region of India where a regular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
-wife after
being influenced
by an actor lost her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
. She
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
maintaining the same looks as the said actor and ended up in a failed marriage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
altered with the appearance.

Following the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
means maintaining an updated wardrobe. Although there may exist a fake/copy of that designer piece, it
certainly
will not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Fashion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
on changing from time to time and being a regular shopper will definitely drain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money that could have
been put
to a better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
For example
, a friend of mine spent a fortune to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
branded clothes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to find out that it became out of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
/ it became dated the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
next
year.

To conclude
, the practice of following latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
under the influence of celebrities should
be discouraged
as it leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
disorders
as well
as financial distress.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, people follow the latest fashion and hairstyles. In your opinion, what is influencing this? Is this a good or bad thing? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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