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2-Today, most people get married and give birth in their thirties rather than when they are younger. Is this a positive or negative development? v.1

2-Today, most people get married and give birth in their thirties rather than when they are younger. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 1
There is a significant inclined observed towards late marriages and delayed childbirth, particularly, in the western countries. People are more encircled with their life ambitions and marriage is a secondary factor. I consider this as an extremely negative development not only for the individuals but for the society as well. To begin with, medically it is proven that late marriages and subsequently delayed childbirth cause innumerable health issues in females. Carrying a child for nine months in the womb is physical fatigue which requires a lot of stamina and energy. After the thirties, our health starts to decline and symptoms of old age start to appear such as muscle pain and low appetite. According to the recent survey published by the University of London, after the age of 30, 70% of the women, are giving birth to either physically or mentally weak children. Thus, from the health perspective, the reasonable age to get married and produce babies is before the thirties. To elucidate my stance further, another important element is the lack of appropriate child upbringing owing to the low energy levels of parents. For instance, when the adolescents reach the adult age, parents are struggling with their old age issues. Children are deprived of the quality time to spend with their parents leading to low family bonding and hence they go astray. In conclusion, I reiterate that getting married and making babies after mid age is not a rational decision as it has many negative consequences such as health issues and lack of reasonable upbringing of their child. The Government should encourage people for early marriage and early childbirth in order to reduce these challenges.
There is a significant inclined observed towards late
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriages
and delayed childbirth,
particularly
, in the western countries.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are more encircled with their life ambitions and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
is a secondary factor. I consider this as an
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for the individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for the society
as well
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
medically
it
is proven
that late
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriages
and
subsequently
delayed childbirth cause innumerable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues in females. Carrying a child for nine months in the womb is physical fatigue which requires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
stamina and energy. After the thirties, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
to decline and symptoms of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to appear such as muscle pain and low appetite. According to the recent survey published by the University of London, after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 30, 70% of the women, are giving birth to either
physically
or mentally weak children.
Thus
, from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
perspective, the reasonable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married and produce babies is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the thirties.

To elucidate my stance
further
, another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
element is the lack of appropriate child upbringing owing to the low energy levels of parents.
For instance
, when the adolescents reach the adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, parents are struggling with their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
issues. Children
are deprived
of the quality time to spend with their parents leading to low family bonding and
hence
they go astray.

In conclusion
, I reiterate that getting married and making babies after mid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is not a rational decision as it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues and lack of reasonable upbringing of their child. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
for early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
and early childbirth in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
these challenges.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay 2-Today, most people get married and give birth in their thirties rather than when they are younger. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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