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In some countries, old people are highly valued and in some countries, the young are considered to be more valuable. Discuss both views and give your opinion v.1

In some countries, old people are highly valued and in some countries, the young are considered to be more valuable. 1
Undoubtedly, some country often rely on elder people in the field of work due to their experience and trust, while others always prefer younger people because they are more energetic and physically fit. This essay will discuss both point of views. To begin with, it is true that many society usually depend on some experienced people such as, politicians and employees. In fact, they may have adequate knowledge and skill in certain area and therefore, people consider them the most. Politicians are also performing well in this field and find success easily. Today, a vast majority of people across the globe basically support with skilful aged people for a better governance take Indian Prime Minister as an example. Moreover, many elder people are even hired by many multinational companies like textile and labour field because they try to maintain trustworthy, polite and sincere at work. Others, on the other hand, feel that younger people are more kinetic, active and flexible in many industries like marketing and IT field than retired people. This means that in this computer world elder unable to work productively as adults do because they may face myriad of issues in certain fields, for instance, they will face the stiff target, demanding deadline, extra working hours and so on. This elder may not do much owing to the lack of their physical stability. As a result, many people consider that the youngsters would be the best choice to more actively. To conclude, though some elders really active in some work area, youngsters can apply their performance in numerous way more effectively. Hence, my opinion is that youngsters are far better than elder people in work because they are really fit enough both physically and mentally
Undoubtedly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
rely on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
due to their experience and trust, while others always prefer younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are more energetic and
physically
fit. This essay will discuss both point of views.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is true that
Possible agreement error. The noun society seems to be countable; consider using: "many societies".
many society
usually
depend on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
such as, politicians and employees. In fact, they may have adequate knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
in certain area and
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider them the most. Politicians are
also
performing well in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
and find success
easily
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, a vast majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
across the globe
basically
support with
Possible spelling mistake. 'skilful' is British English.
skilful
aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for a better governance take Indian Prime Minister as an example.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are even hired by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
like textile and
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they try to maintain trustworthy, polite and sincere at work.

Others,
on the other hand
, feel that younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more kinetic, active and flexible in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
industries like marketing and IT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
than retired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This means that in this computer world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elder
unable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
productively
as adults do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they may face myriad of issues in certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
,
for instance
, they will face the stiff target, demanding deadline, extra working hours and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elder
may not do much
After the auxiliary verb 'do', use the base form of a verb. Did you mean "owe"?
owing
to the lack of their physical stability.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider that the youngsters would be the best choice to more
actively
.

To conclude
, though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elders
really
active in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
area, youngsters can apply their performance in numerous way more
effectively
.
Hence
, my opinion is that youngsters are far better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
really
fit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
both
physically
and mentally
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, old people are highly valued and in some countries, the young are considered to be more valuable. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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