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Nowadays online shopping becomes more popular than inshore shopping. Is it a positive or negative development? Give your reasons and examples. v.2

Nowadays online shopping becomes more popular than inshore shopping. Is it a positive or negative development? Give your reasons and examples. v. 2
It is true that e-shopping has become more popular due to the arrival of new technology, whereas to purchase from the shop has declined slightly. Although shopping from the internet has many drawbacks, I believe that it is one of the easiest ways to do shopping. One of the most important benefits of doing shopping from the internet is that one can save time and energy because the customer not require to go to the store and therefore, they can save their valuable time and energy. When someone does purchase from the market, they suppose to spend a whole day. For example, I usually do shopping mostly via online these days so that I can save plenty of time which can use for other work at home. Consequently, the person can easily keep their precious time in internet shopping without going out. Another key advantage is that people can save their huge amount of money if they do online shopping. First, no need to spend any extra amount for transportation by purchasing any items from some website. For instance, in my country in India, people spend much on transport to go shopping in the market. Thus, this is clear that online shopping always provides a number of benefits in ones daily life. However, online shopping some time adversely affect the people, they maybe wait for many days to receive their product. Also, there is chance of damage the product while transferring it. So it is a great impact that the customer who always rely on internet buying. In conclusion, both ways of shopping have a positive and negative side effect nevertheless, I feel that internet shopping is far better than store buying owing to its greater advantage
It is true that e-shopping has become more popular due to the arrival of new technology, whereas to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
from the shop has declined
slightly
. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
from the internet has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks, I believe that it is one of the easiest ways to
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go shopping".
do shopping
.

One of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
benefits of doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
from the internet is that one can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and energy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the customer not require
Did you mean "going"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'require' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to go
to the store and
therefore
, they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
their valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and energy. When someone does
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
from the market, they suppose to spend a whole day.
For example
, I
usually
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
mostly
via
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
these days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that I can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
for other work at home.
Consequently
, the person can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their precious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
without going out.

Another key advantage is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
their huge amount of money if they do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopping.

First
, no need to spend any extra amount for transportation by purchasing any items from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
website.
For instance
, in my country in India,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
spend much on transport to go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
in the market.
Thus
, this is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
always provides a number of benefits in ones daily life.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
adversely
affect the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, they maybe wait for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
days to receive their product.
Also
, there is chance of damage the product while transferring it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it is a great impact that the customer who always rely on internet buying.

In conclusion
, both ways of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side effect
nevertheless
, I feel that internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is far better than store buying owing to its greater advantage
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays online shopping becomes more popular than inshore shopping. Is it a positive or negative development? Give your reasons and examples. v. 2

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
286 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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