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In some countries, not enough students are choosing science subjects for study. What are the causes behind this issue? What are the effects of this on society? v.1

In some countries, not enough students are choosing science subjects for study. What are the causes behind this issue? What are the effects of this on society? v. 1
It is suggested that in many parts of the world less sufficient students are being chosen to study in science stream. This problem is caused by two main reasons, and have detrimental effects on society. On the one hand students are not choosing science subjects for study because contain more theory as compared to practical part, and it is very difficult for students to study these subjects as in the existing era students like to study interesting subjects and which are very helpful to develop their imagination and intellectual skills. For instance art, economics, commerce subjects are very beneficial for developing interest among pupils. Moreover, science subjects need more hard work and efforts to understand these because the curriculum of these subjects is very complicated. And without hard work it is impossible to get good scores in exams. Consequently, many students prefer others subjects instead of science, which do not need any hard work. On the other hand, having not enough students in science field has a negative impact on society. This is because for the growth of society it is very important to have more experience persons who have a lot of knowledge about technology. As it is believed that science curriculum covers a wide range of information or subjects, if it is related to our daily life, technology. For instance only scientists can give more information about our future happenings if it is on earth or any other planet. With the help of scientists any country or society can put further steps towards success. However if the number of people in the field of science are decreasing then their is no one who do difficult work for prosperous society. In conclusion, it seems to me that complex curriculum and lack of interest are the two main reasons behind few admissions in science subjects, and this will have a negative impact on society.
It
is suggested
that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the world less sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are
being chosen
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
stream. This problem
is caused
by two main reasons, and have detrimental effects on society.

On the one hand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are not choosing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
contain more theory as compared to practical part, and it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
as in the existing era
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
interesting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
and which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful to develop their imagination and intellectual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For instance
art, economics, commerce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial for developing interest among pupils.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
need more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and efforts to understand these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the curriculum of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
complicated. And without
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work it is impossible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
scores in exams.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
prefer others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
, which do not need any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work.

On the other hand
, having not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
field has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
for the growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to have more experience persons who have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
knowledge about technology. As it
is believed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
curriculum covers a wide range of information or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, if it
is related
to our daily life, technology.
For instance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
scientists can give more information about our future happenings if it is on earth or any other planet. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of scientists any country or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
can put
further
steps towards success.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
if the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
are decreasing then
Did you mean "there"?
their
is no one who do difficult work for prosperous society.

In conclusion
, it seems to me that complex curriculum and lack of interest are the two main reasons behind few admissions in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, and this will have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay In some countries, not enough students are choosing science subjects for study. What are the causes behind this issue? What are the effects of this on society? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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