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In some countries multinational companies and their products are becoming more and more important. This trend is seriously damaging our quality of life. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

In some countries multinational companies and their products are becoming more and more important. This trend is seriously damaging our quality of life. v. 2
In the contemporary era, most of commodities has been produced by big companies and, people get lots of benefits of it. While, our quality of life has changing due to big companies like Tata, automobiles and so on. I am totally agree with the statement and shall explain the same in the upcoming paragraphs. Admittedly, people depend more on gadgets then they ever had before. It is ofcourse a serious concer. Because modern man do not understand the fact that multinational companies is a threat to their lives. Moreover, people forget about their own ability as they all rely on companies for the basic purposes. For instance, in Canada before starting of twenty first century usage of gadgets had been banned and people had to work for their purposes. Moving Futher, there is great concern about our health because most of the people rely on their products despite thinking about the effect of their products. The best epitome of this could be a survey conducted by Delhi government claimed that uptill 2025 almost every single person in India will rely on multinational nationals products and these will lead to many causes related to health and environment. To conclude, despite of being a big threat to mankind products of big companies is currently used by many people which changes the lives of the people but, instead of too much reliability on machine products a person should not forget about the of their own brain.
In the contemporary era,
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the commodities") or simply say "most commodities".
most of commodities
has
been produced
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
and,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
lots of benefits of it. While, our quality of life has changing due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
like Tata, automobiles and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. I am
totally
Consider using a past participle here: "agreed".
agree
with the statement and shall
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the same in the upcoming paragraphs.

Admittedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
depend more on gadgets
Did you mean "than"?
then
they ever had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. It is
Possible spelling mistake found.
ofcourse
a serious
Possible spelling mistake found.
concer
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
modern
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
do not understand the fact that multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
is a threat to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
forget about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
ability as they all rely on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
for the basic purposes.
For instance
, in Canada
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
starting of twenty
first
century usage of gadgets had
been banned
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had to work for their purposes.

Moving
Possible spelling mistake found.
Futher
, there is great concern about our health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
rely on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
despite thinking about the effect of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. The best epitome of this could be a survey conducted by Delhi
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
claimed that
Possible spelling mistake found.
uptill
2025 almost every single person in India will rely on multinational nationals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and these will lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
causes related to health and environment.

To conclude
,
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
threat to mankind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
is
currently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
,
instead
of too much reliability on machine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
a person should not forget about the of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
brain.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries multinational companies and their products are becoming more and more important. This trend is seriously damaging our quality of life. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
243 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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