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In most of the countries, multinational companies and their products are becoming more and more important. This trend is seriously damaging our quality of life. v.1

In most of the countries, multinational companies and their products are becoming more and more important. This trend is seriously damaging our quality of life. v. 1
Usually, International products are costly compared to native brands, but those can have good packaging and advertisement records. By the influences of ads, buyers prefer international products, though local products are good in quality and durability. Therefore, it increases the requirement for international products in markets and they get better profit and sells in our own country. Yet at the part of above, multinational companies are also responsible for increasing employment in our country. They hire local people to run their businesses and companies opened in overseas. They provide chances to communicate and interact with people of different countries and to experience their lifestyle, which makes people connected all over the globe. There are many products that are not locally built and people of a country then look for the international products. Thus the need for people is changed according to the products sold by the multinational companies. There are many local products which are in no way lower in quality compared to the internationally renowned products and the advertisement and attractive marketing policy of the multinational brands are winning over the local products. Many job markets are being created by the multinational company but on the other hands their products are also wiping out many local products as well. Therefore, I truly agree that multinational companies are damaging the quality of our life, but some other way it is upgrading our lifestyle too. So we need to make a balance in that and promote native products as well. Being a citizen of a country we should think about own country's development, which in turns is our own development. After all, you reap whatever you have sown.
Usually
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are costly compared to native brands,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Did you mean "this can" or "those cans"?
those can
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
packaging and advertisement records. By the influences of ads, buyers prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
in quality and durability.
Therefore
, it increases the requirement for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
markets and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better profit and sells in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country.

Yet
at the part of above,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are
also
responsible for increasing employment in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. They hire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to run their businesses and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
opened in overseas. They provide chances to communicate and interact with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and to experience their lifestyle, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
connected all over the globe.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that are not
locally
built and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
then look for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
the need for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
according to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
sold by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
which are in no way lower in quality compared to the
internationally
renowned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and the advertisement and attractive marketing policy of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
multinational
brands are winning over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
job markets are
being created
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
on the other hands their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are
also
wiping out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
as well
.

Therefore
, I
truly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are damaging the quality of our life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other way it is upgrading our lifestyle too.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
we need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a balance in that and promote native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
as well
. Being a citizen of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country's development, which in turns is our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
development.
After all
, you reap whatever you have sown.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
41Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In most of the countries, multinational companies and their products are becoming more and more important. This trend is seriously damaging our quality of life. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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