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In some countries more and more adults choose to continue to live with their parents after they graduate and have found jobs. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh its disadvantages? v.2

In some countries more and more adults choose to continue to live with their parents after they graduate and have found jobs. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh its disadvantages? v. 2
There are different opinions in regard to the question of whether a person who has completed education and is able to earn money should live with his or her ancestors or not. This essay will put forward the notion that living with parents is not the best way for people to build their own life. An analysis of the influence of this phenomenon on adults will prove the above-stated position. The main reason why young people should live separately is that it is the best way to become an independent and responsible person. In fact, individuals who live apparently, are more successful both in their career and relationships. This is because they rely only on themselves in their everyday life and the responsibility develops. For example, they pay bills every month and plan their budget accordingly to it. Thus, they become more financially aware. Moreover, living with relatives may cause conflicts. As a matter of fact, parents always tend to control their children’s lives, no matter how old they are. They may tell what to do while a person has another point of view; hence, some negative effects may influence their relationships. While living separately they all have an opportunity to act on their own and are always elated to meet each other. In conclusion, I completely agree that the practice of living separately has more positive sides than negative ones. It helps to develop such positive traits as independence and responsibility. After analyzing the subject, it has become quite evident that living independently should be encouraged.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions in regard to
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
the question of whether
a person who has completed education and is able to earn money should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
ancestors or not. This essay will put forward the notion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with parents is not the best way for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to build their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
life. An analysis of the influence of this phenomenon on adults will prove the above-stated position.

The main reason why young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
separately
is that it is the best way to become an independent and responsible person. In fact, individuals who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
apparently
, are more successful both in their career and relationships. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they rely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on themselves in their everyday life and the responsibility develops.
For example
, they pay bills every month and plan their budget
accordingly
to it.
Thus
, they become more
financially
aware.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with relatives may cause conflicts. As a matter of fact, parents always tend to control their children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
, no matter how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
they are. They may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
what to do while a person has another point of view;
hence
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects may influence their relationships. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
separately
they all have an opportunity to act on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
and are always elated to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
each other.

In conclusion
, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the practice of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
separately
has more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
ones. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to develop such
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
traits as independence and responsibility.
After analyzing the subject
, it has become quite evident that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
independently
should
be encouraged
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
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Munia Khan

IELTS essay In some countries more and more adults choose to continue to live with their parents after they graduate and have found jobs. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh its disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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