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In some countries, marriages are arranged by the parents, but in other cases people choose their own marriage partner. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

In some countries, marriages are arranged by the parents, but in other cases people choose their own marriage partner. v. 1
It is certainly a convoluted debate, whether or not one can figure out about a person’s culture and character by the choice of his/her clothes. My school of thoughts differs from the subject matter, and I would be providing justifications to support my conceptualization. First of all, it was a thing of the past that people adhered to cultural values in terms of clothing and food. Today, globalization has taken over and everyone has, voluntarily or involuntarily, taken part in this rat race. Now, the urban way of living has forced the 9 to 5 workforce to follow the same routine and monotony in every aspect of their lives. Furthermore, clothes can be deceiving and can portray a false picture of the person trying to figure out the character of the wearer. In this contemporary era, people tend to follow global fashion and buy ready-made clothes, which makes them look alike and difficult to differentiate amongst. Broaching the alternate view, some specific wardrobes of some communities make it apparent to judge their culture, but most of attires worn by people around the world hardly give away anything about the culture. As far as character is concerned, it is a very fragile topic and clothes alone cannot be held accountable to determine it. To reiterate, to a very small extent we can have the slightest viewpoint about the character and the roots of a person based on the preference of his/her clothes. I believe the future won’t be any help either in this matter as people are becoming more and more indistinguishable.
It is
certainly
a convoluted debate,
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
one can figure out about a person’s culture and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
character
by the choice of his/her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
. My school of thoughts differs from the
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "subject".
subject matter
, and I would be providing justifications to support my conceptualization.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it was a thing of the past that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
adhered to cultural values in terms of clothing and food.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, globalization has taken over and everyone has,
voluntarily
or
involuntarily
, taken part in this rat race.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, the urban way of living has forced the 9 to 5 workforce to follow the same routine and monotony in every aspect of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
can be deceiving and can portray a false picture of the person trying to figure out the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
character
of the wearer. In this contemporary era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to follow global fashion and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
ready-made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them look alike and difficult to differentiate amongst.

Broaching the alternate view,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
specific wardrobes of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
communities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it apparent to judge their culture,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the attires") or simply say "most attires".
most of attires
worn by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world hardly give away anything about the culture. As far as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
character
is concerned
, it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
fragile topic and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
alone cannot
be held
accountable to determine it.

To reiterate, to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
extent we can have the slightest viewpoint about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
character
and the roots of a person based on the preference of his/her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
. I believe the future won’t be any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
either in this matter as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming more and more indistinguishable.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, marriages are arranged by the parents, but in other cases people choose their own marriage partner. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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