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in some countries levels of health and fin=tnesss are decreasing and average weights are increasing. what do you think are the causes of these problems and what are some possible solutions? v.1

in some countries levels of health and fin=tnesss are decreasing and average weights are increasing. what do you think are the causes of these problems and what are some possible solutions? v. 1
With the increase of population the use of crude oil is raising in their daily lives which is affecting the environment. To overcome such problems people deem that the authority should raise the prices which might be helpful, but I disagree with this statement because state will face a lot of consequences and it may strike the economy To begin with, nowadays globe is facing the speeded adjustment of prices, which have deterred reaction from people because the prices of fuel have both direct and indirect relation to goods. If the price raised up so automatically the goods and transport will be expensive because all the industries are running on fuel for instance, in my own country (Pakistan) the electricity is produced from kerosene if the petrol gets high so the electricity also get expensive. Secondly, it can have a negative effect on the economy of a country due to which a country can fall apart. A region always relies on the taxes so these people don’t pay taxes fairly and even they are not willing to build business due to high expenditures of goods and labours. For example, in my home people are not in the mood to pay taxes to the regime neither they construct business centres. Furthermore, it can affect the revenue which is collected on highways from people because fewer people will ride. In conclusion, it is not a sustained solution because it can hurt the feelings instead of that the government should make cell or solar cars.
With the increase of population the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of crude oil is raising in their daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
which is affecting the environment. To overcome such problems
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
deem that the authority should raise the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
which might be helpful,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I disagree with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
state will face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
consequences and it may strike the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
economy


To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, nowadays globe is facing the
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "sped", the past tense form of the verb 'speed'?
speeded
adjustment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
, which have deterred reaction from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
of fuel have both direct and indirect relation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
raised up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
automatically
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and transport will be expensive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
all the industries are running on fuel
for instance
, in my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country (Pakistan) the electricity
is produced
from kerosene if the petrol
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
high
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the electricity
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
expensive.

Secondly
, it can have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on the economy of a country due to which a country can fall apart. A region always relies on the taxes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don’t pay taxes
fairly
and even they are not willing to build business due to high expenditures of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'labours' is British English.
labours
.
For example
, in my home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not in the mood to pay taxes to the regime neither they construct business
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
.
Furthermore
, it can affect the revenue which
is collected
on highways from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will ride.

In conclusion
, it is not a sustained solution
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can hurt the feelings
instead
of that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
cell or solar cars.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
To learn a language is to have one more window from which to look at the world.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay in some countries levels of health and fin=tnesss are decreasing and average weights are increasing. what do you think are the causes of these problems and what are some possible solutions? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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