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Should the same laws which prohibit the sale and consumption of heroin be applied to tobacco? Discuss. v.1

Should the same laws which prohibit the sale and consumption of heroin be applied to tobacco? Discuss. v. 1
Everyone in society has their own tastes. Number of persons have faith in that kid must be allowed to select their own interest on usual bases as an outcome of community in which all think about their own option. Few humans say there must be certain restrictions on matters which may hurt them. However, my opinion is that there must be balanced in both cases. Children want freedom in the matter of choice on regular bases. Certain citizens think as because everyone has right to pick according to his own feelings. If someone tries to stop anyone else from certain thing which may hurt both because both have their own variety of things. As far as I concern, we should allow young kids to make their own selection of common material, but it must be balanced and should not give them free hand. For example, It is common observation when parents allow their babies to do everything according to their habit always returns in any shape of misfortune. On the other side, certain person consensus that it is children responsibility that they should make decisions about things that may not have any side effect for them because on usual bases when they are allowed by parents to do everything then they could choose wrong material. May be they are interested in such food which is harmful for them. In my view, it is good for children to give them less freedom in matter of choices. As seen, many parents restrict their young children to do each thing and they should allow them only those things which may prove beneficial for them. In conclusion, there should equality in both cases. Kids can make their choices freely, but only that which may not cause any damage to them.
Everyone in society has their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
tastes. Number of persons have faith in that kid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to select their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
interest on usual bases as an outcome of community in which all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
option. Few humans say there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
restrictions on matters which may hurt them.
However
, my opinion is that there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be balanced
in both cases.

Children want freedom in the matter of choice on regular bases.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Certain
citizens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
everyone has right to pick according to his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
feelings. If someone tries to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
anyone else from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
thing which may hurt both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
both have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
variety of things. As far as I concern, we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
young kids to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
selection of common material,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be balanced
and should not give them free hand.
For example
, It is common observation when parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their babies to do everything according to their habit always returns in any shape of misfortune.

On the other side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
person consensus that it is children responsibility that they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
decisions about things that may not have any side effect for them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
on usual bases when they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
by parents to do everything then they could choose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
material.
Did you mean "maybe" (= perhaps)?
May be
they
are interested
in such food which is harmful for them. In my view, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for children to give them less freedom in matter of choices. As
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents restrict their young children to do each
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
thing and
they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
those things which may prove beneficial for them.

In conclusion
, there should equality in both cases. Kids can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their choices
freely
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that which may not cause any damage to them.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay Should the same laws which prohibit the sale and consumption of heroin be applied to tobacco? Discuss. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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