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In some countries, it is thought advisable that children begin formal education at four years old, while in others they do not have to start school until they are seven or eight. v.9

In some countries, it is thought advisable that children begin formal education at four years old, while in others they do not have to start school until they are seven or eight. v. 9
The age standard for children in entering formal school has inevitably been a controversial issue whether it is more effective to send children to school at four years old or seven or even eight years old. I personally agree to say that children need to be sent to school earlier at four years old in terms of several reasons. The first reason is that children tend to have a golden age period at the age of three or four. This condition is believed as the most effective year for children to start learning as well as understanding their environment. Moreover, this age standard has been successfully implemented by Finland education system which is currently claimed as the best education system in the world. Another considerable reason is that parents can lessen the time for children to play at home in front of the computers which clearly harm them physically and psychologically as well as create a certain disorder. In addition, sending children to school at an early age will not totally erase the children’s time to play because a school provides them with an effective teaching method which focuses on learning and playing. In the other words, children tend to achieve time to learn and play at the same time proportionally. On the other hand, people who believe that sending children to formal school at four years old consider several points of views in terms of the maturity of children psychology and brain which claimed inappropriate time to be forced with a certain lesson at school. In short, parents and schools should create a good collaboration and cooperation each other in order to avoid several drawbacks caused by this affirmative action.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
standard for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in entering formal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
has
inevitably
been a controversial issue whether it is more effective to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
at four years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
or seven or even eight years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
earlier at four years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
in terms of several reasons.

The
first
reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
tend to have a golden
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
period at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of three or four. This condition
is believed
as the most effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
learning
as well
as understanding their environment.
Moreover
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
standard has been
successfully
implemented by Finland education system which is
currently
claimed as the best education system in the world.

Another considerable reason is that parents can lessen the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to play at home in front of the computers which
clearly
harm them
physically
and
psychologically
as well
as create a certain disorder.
In addition
, sending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
at an early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
will not
totally
erase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
provides them with an effective teaching method which focuses on learning and playing. In the other words,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
tend to achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to learn and play at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
proportionally
.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who believe that sending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to formal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
at four years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
consider several points of views in terms of the maturity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
psychology and brain which claimed inappropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
be forced
with a certain lesson at school.

In short, parents and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should create a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
collaboration and cooperation each other in order to avoid several drawbacks caused by this affirmative action.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay In some countries, it is thought advisable that children begin formal education at four years old, while in others they do not have to start school until they are seven or eight. v. 9

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
281 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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