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Do you agree or disagree with the following statements? It is better to spend money on something that lasts a long time, such as an expensive piece of jewelry than on something that provides short-term pleasure, such as a vacation. v.1

It is better to spend money on something that lasts a long time, such as an expensive piece of jewelry than on something that provides short-term pleasure, such as a vacation. v. 1
Nowadays the image of family is different in comparison with previous years due to changes in it's structure and member's function. In this essay I will describe what kind of changes are occurring and how it does impact on society: positively or negatively. A traditional form of family has both parents: father and mother, sometimes grandparents. However, the modern family model leads to some significant changes in our society. Firstly, it is increasing the rate of gay-marriages. The new family structure consists of two fathers or two mothers instead of inter-sex couple. Moreover, stay-at-home father is the another popular change in modern life, which have contributed to the creation of alternative family forms, generating new roles for men. Stay-at-home dads or "househusbands" are fathers that do not participate in the workforce and stay at home to raise their children. The stereotypical jobs for females in the home by cooking, cleaning, and caring for the children are no longer a norm. Those mentioned above change's impact positively and negatively as well. From one point of view, the psychology of the child, which live in same-sex marriage will suffer and confusing about some social norms. Also the trend of stay-at-home dads impacts on men“s status and perception of him in modern life. On the other hand, all these changes demonstrates that we live in a free world, where our rights and wishes are accepted and respected. Summarizing the ideas mentioned above it has become clear that family models and roles have changed, which led to noticeable changes in society with positive and negative impacts.
Nowadays the image of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
in comparison
with previous years due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
Did you mean "in its structure"?
in it's structure
and member's function. In this essay I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
what kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
are occurring and how it does
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
on society:
positively
or
negatively
.

A traditional form of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
has both parents:
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
and mother,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
grandparents.
However
, the modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
model leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
in our society.
Firstly
, it is increasing the rate of gay-marriages. The new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
structure consists of two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fathers
or two mothers
instead
of inter-sex couple.

Moreover
, stay-at-home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
is the another popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
in modern life, which have contributed to the creation of alternative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
forms, generating new roles for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
. Stay-at-home dads or
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
househusbands
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fathers
that do not participate in the workforce and stay at home to raise their children. The stereotypical jobs for females in the home by cooking, cleaning, and caring for the children are no longer a norm.

Those mentioned above
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
positively
and
negatively
as well
. From one point of view, the psychology of the child, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in same-sex marriage will suffer and confusing about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
social norms.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
the trend of stay-at-home dads
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impacts
on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
“s status and perception of him in modern life.

On the other hand
, all these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
demonstrates that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a free world, where our rights and wishes are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
and respected.

Summarizing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
mentioned above it has become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
models and roles have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
, which led to noticeable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
in society with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impacts
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay It is better to spend money on something that lasts a long time, such as an expensive piece of jewelry than on something that provides short-term pleasure, such as a vacation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
262 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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