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Despite improvements in vehicle technology, there are still large numbers of road accidents. Explain some of the causes of these accidents, and suggest some measures that could be taken to address the problem. v.2

Despite improvements in vehicle technology, there are still large numbers of road accidents. Explain some of the causes of these accidents, and suggest some measures that could be taken to address the problem. v. 2
It is no doubt that more and more new vehicle technology innovations have been come into being. However, a large numbers of road accidents are being happened day-to-day. In my opinion, there are many reason that causes these accident and some measures should be taken. There are some main factors causing road accidents. The main cause is the narrow awareness of road users. Many people in traffic do not wear helmet and comply with traffic laws, which can lead to awful consequences. According to researchers, there are 35% accidents on the roadway being caused by bad behavior such as drinking alcohol or using mobile phone while they were driving. Secondly, the qualities of public transport construction are being downgraded. In fact, Vietnam’s government have not upgrade or expand railway system for over a century so many unfortunate railway accidents have happened. Last but not least, traffic laws are not strict enough to deter violators. The penalty clauses of the law are too gent to make people not repeat an offence. To solve this problems, I will suggest some measures. First of all, government should raise the awareness of people by propagating on the mass media and at schools. In addition, government should open classes to help people know negative impacts of unsafe driving. Moreover, they also should enact finer laws to deter commuters from offending traffic laws. Finally, government have to plan for a traffic system with the farther view. To sum up, road accidents result from several causes. Therefore, it is high time we needed take some measures to against these issues.
It is no doubt that more and more new vehicle technology innovations have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
into being.
However
, a large
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "number"?
numbers
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
are
being happened
day-to-day. In my opinion, there are
Possible agreement error. The noun reason seems to be countable; consider using: "many reasons".
many reason
that causes these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accident
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures should
be taken
.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
main factors causing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
. The main cause is the narrow awareness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
users.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
do not wear helmet and comply with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
, which can lead to awful consequences. According to researchers, there are 35%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
on the roadway
being caused
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
behavior such as drinking alcohol or using mobile phone while they were driving.
Secondly
, the qualities of public transport construction are
being downgraded
. In fact, Vietnam’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
have not upgrade or expand railway system for over a century
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
unfortunate railway
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
have happened. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
are not strict
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to deter violators. The penalty clauses of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
are too gent to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not repeat an
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
.

To solve
Did you mean "these"?
this
problems, I will suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should raise the awareness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by propagating on the mass media and at schools.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should open classes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts of unsafe driving.
Moreover
, they
also
should enact finer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
to deter commuters from offending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
plan for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
system with the farther view.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
result from several causes.
Therefore
, it is high time we needed take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures to against these issues.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Despite improvements in vehicle technology, there are still large numbers of road accidents. Explain some of the causes of these accidents, and suggest some measures that could be taken to address the problem. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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