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In many countries, television shows many foreign-made programmes. The dominance of imported entertainment is harmful to the cultures of these countries. v.4

In many countries, television shows many foreign-made programmes. The dominance of imported entertainment is harmful to the cultures of these countries. v. 4
Nowadays, foreign-made programs take their dominance in most countries, if not all. Undoubtedly, those programs bring about many negative effects. Chiefs among them are the adoption of bad habits and watching-addiction.   For several reasons, I agree that the imported entertainment negatively affects the cultures of countries. The first harm caused by imported foreign programs is the adoption of bad habits. In fact, foreign-made programs plant bad habits in their watchers which will be negatively reflected in their culture.   For example, my neighbour is so obsessed with watching foreign- programs and he and he always intends to imitate and adopt such bad habits. As a result, he began to drink Alcohol and use drugs.   Consequently, he caused many problems to his family in particular, and to his neighbours in general. This clearly shows us the danger the foreign programs may have on a community. A second harmful effect of foreign-made programs is that they cause watching -addiction. In fact, many people, especially youth, are addicted to those programs. For example, my brother was a student who used to watch foreign- made programs every time and they left negative impacts on him. As a result, he became careless and indifferent to his studies to the point that he failed 3 exams.   Consequently, he was dismissed from the university and is now jobless.   So, it can be inferred that such programs have no benefits but serious effects. To conclude, foreign –made programs are harmful to any community since they cause watching –addiction and bad habits adoption. To avoid above harms, governments are required to band foreign-made programs and replace them with local ones.
Nowadays, foreign-made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
take their dominance in most countries, if not all.
Undoubtedly
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
bring about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects. Chiefs among them are the adoption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
and watching-addiction.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
For several reasons, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the imported entertainment
negatively
affects the cultures of countries.

The
first
harm caused by imported
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
is the adoption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
. In fact, foreign-made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
plant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
in their watchers which will be
negatively
reflected in their culture.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
For example
, my
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbour' is British English.
neighbour
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
obsessed with watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign-
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
programs and
he and he always intends to imitate and adopt such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
.
As a result
, he began to drink Alcohol and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
drugs.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Consequently
, he caused
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems to his family
in particular
, and to his
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
in general
. This
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
us the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
may have on a community.

A second harmful effect of foreign-made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
is that they cause watching -addiction. In fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
especially
youth,
are addicted
to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
.
For example
, my brother was a student who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign-
made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
every
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
time and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on him.
As a result
, he became careless and indifferent to his studies to the point that he failed 3 exams.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Consequently
, he
was dismissed
from the university and is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
jobless.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it can
be inferred
that such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
have no benefits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
serious effects.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
–made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
are harmful to any community since they cause watching –addiction and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "habits'" or "habit's"?
habits
adoption. To avoid above harms,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
are required
to band foreign-made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
and replace them with local ones.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, television shows many foreign-made programmes. The dominance of imported entertainment is harmful to the cultures of these countries. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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