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In some countries in Europe, some children from the age of 11 or 13 go to schools to learn more practical skills that will help them get a job. Other children stay in schools which provide a more general academic education. What should schools do to prepare students for the world of work? v.9

In some countries in Europe, some children from the age of 11 or 13 go to schools to learn more practical skills that will help them get a job. Other children stay in schools which provide a more general academic education. What should schools do to prepare students for the world of work? v. 9
We live in a changing world, one that needs adaptable students who are ready to deal with the challenges of the communications age. However, we must not overlook the fact that students need to have some practical skills which will also help them in the future. It is, therefore, the responsibility of schools to provide a balance between the two. By the age of 11 or 13, some children have a vague idea of what they may want to do as a career; on the other hand, many do not. In my opinion, it is unfair to expect children to decide whether or not they want to specialise in vocational or academic training at such a young age. Schools should offer a wide variety of subjects for children to choose from and not force them onto a path they may later regret. The majority of occupations today require an understanding of the basic academic skills. Therefore, even if a child does know that they want to follow a career in a particular trade, institutions that offer practical subjects must include core subjects such as literacy and arithmetic, as well as computer literacy, as a part of their curriculum. In my country, children do not have to specialise until they reach the age of 76. This means they have been taught several subjects and can decide what they want to do when they complete their schooling. Today there are many career options for children and they are no longer restricted in their choice of work. It is the duty of the school to give young learners the chance to choose their own career options or, at least provide them with the right tools to truly make it in the modern world.
We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a changing world, one that needs adaptable students who are ready to deal with the challenges of the communications
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
However
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not overlook the fact that students need to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in the future. It is,
therefore
, the responsibility of schools to provide a balance between the two.

By the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 11 or 13,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have a vague
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of what they may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to do as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
;
on the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
do not. In my opinion, it is unfair to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to decide
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'specialise' is British English.
specialise
in vocational or academic training at such a young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. Schools should offer a wide variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to choose from and not force them onto a path they may later regret.

The majority of occupations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
require an understanding of the basic academic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Therefore
, even if a child does know that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to follow a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
in a particular trade, institutions that offer practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
include core
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as literacy and arithmetic,
as well
as computer literacy, as a part of their curriculum.

In my country,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
Possible spelling mistake. 'specialise' is British English.
specialise
until they reach the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 76. This means they have
been taught
several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
and can decide what they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to do when they complete their schooling.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
options for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children and
they are no longer restricted in their choice of work. It is the duty of the school to give young learners the chance to choose their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
options or, at least provide them with the right tools to
truly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it in the modern world.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries in Europe, some children from the age of 11 or 13 go to schools to learn more practical skills that will help them get a job. Other children stay in schools which provide a more general academic education. What should schools do to prepare students for the world of work? v. 9

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
290 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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