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In some countries in Europe, some children from the age of 11 or 13 go to schools to learn more practical skills that will help them get a job. Other children stay in schools which provide a more general academic education. What should schools do to prepare students for the world of work? v.1

In some countries in Europe, some children from the age of 11 or 13 go to schools to learn more practical skills that will help them get a job. Other children stay in schools which provide a more general academic education. What should schools do to prepare students for the world of work? v. 1
Good education has always been one of the cornerstones for one’s success in life, especially for the first few years of teenagers. During this period, it is vital that children receive sufficient learning in terms of both academic knowledge and practical skills. The following essay will clarify the reasons to support this statement. Firstly, children at the age of 11 to 13 years old need to acquire basic academic knowledge in order to realize their full potential. Academic subjects such as literature, geography, history, science, exacter a will help children to get a comprehensive grasp of the outside world and shape their logical thinking, which are fundamental for their future career. Additionally, the time spent at learning academic knowledge will enable children to define which particular subject they are interested in and hence, will have a better direction to certain works. As can be seen, children are not only equipped with the knowledge itself but also are oriented towards their personal strengths and passions. Secondly, schools should not eliminate the practical skill trainings for children. Skills such as presentation, teamwork are equally as important as academic knowledge for children because they will enhance children’s interpersonal skills and common senses in order to thrive in any society and professions. Indeed, we’ve seen so many academically excellent students do not achieve success due to the lack of such skills. On the other hand, as each child is gifted in their own ways, for example some are good with hands or rich in imagination and creativity, these children should also be given the opportunity to express their strengths rather than just being evaluated by academic scores. Hence, schools should really provide vocational trainings for all children to realize their full potential. All in all, with the advance of society, schools should really diversify education ranging from academic knowledge to practical skills in order to prepare children for their best future, no matter what they choose to become. s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Good
education has always been one of the cornerstones for one’s success in life,
especially
for the
first
few years of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. During this period, it is vital that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
receive sufficient learning in terms of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. The following essay will clarify the reasons to support this statement.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at the age of 11 to 13 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
need to acquire basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
in order to realize their full potential.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Academic
subjects such as literature, geography, history, science, exacter a will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a comprehensive grasp of the outside world and shape their logical thinking, which are fundamental for their future career.
Additionally
, the time spent at learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
will enable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to define which particular subject they
are interested
in and
hence
, will have a better direction to certain works. As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
equipped with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
itself
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
are oriented
towards their personal strengths and passions.

Secondly
, schools should not eliminate the practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
trainings for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Skills
such as presentation, teamwork are
Use either "equally" or "as" on its own. When comparing two nouns, use "just as".
equally as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will enhance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
interpersonal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and common senses in order to thrive in any society and professions.
Indeed
, we’ve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
academically
excellent students do not achieve success due to the lack of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
On the other hand
, as each child
is gifted
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
ways,
for example
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
with hands or rich in imagination and creativity, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the opportunity to express their strengths
rather
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
being evaluated
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
scores.
Hence
, schools should
really
provide vocational trainings for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to realize their full potential.

All in all, with the advance of society, schools should
really
diversify education ranging from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
to practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in order to prepare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for their best future, no matter what they choose to become.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
s
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay In some countries in Europe, some children from the age of 11 or 13 go to schools to learn more practical skills that will help them get a job. Other children stay in schools which provide a more general academic education. What should schools do to prepare students for the world of work? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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