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Essay topics: more and more measures to improve the security in the urban area have been introduced because of the increased crime. Do the benefits of the measures outweigh the drawbacks? v.1

Essay topics: more and more measures to improve the security in the urban area have been introduced because of the increased crime. Do the benefits of the measures outweigh the drawbacks? v. 1
A huge amount of actions have been enacted to fix security better as per of growing case offences in the city. Although those measures would cut some potential crime, sometimes, it might be limiting the productive time for some employee. Improving safety living, freely from criminals, is totally beneficial for society. BY putting hidden public cameras in the vulnerable places, far from central cities, such as at some dark blocks would dip the number of offenders committing crimes, besides positioning police officers on the street also show the same advantageous impact. This is because criminals will be conscious due to cameras or police existence, then they must be afraid of being caught if commit a crime. A similar initiative in Shanghai, China, resulted in a 10% decreased in street crime in 2015. Nevertheless, this issue also has the demerits impact on cutting out working time due to curfew rules. By enacting that regulation, many cities have succeeded to decline the proportion of crime at night. The result, however, also cut productive hours for some people as they start to work at night usually such as sales promotion officers. About 1 million SPG (Sales Promotion Girl) protested against curfew rules in Saudi Arabia in 1990, with the reason that they were unable to complete daily target. To conclude, developing any measures, as the impact of crime growing upper, are needed to make sure people in the urban area feel secure. Based some statement above, the positive impact of this issue is wider, which can be more worthwhile for almost societies, compared to the negative side of this implication, that only matter in some group of societies.
A huge amount of actions
Possible agreement error
have
been enacted
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
security better as per of growing case
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
in the city. Although those measures would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
potential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, it might be limiting the productive time for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
employee.

Improving safety living,
freely
from criminals, is
totally
beneficial for society. BY putting hidden public cameras in the vulnerable places, far from central cities, such as at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
dark blocks would dip the number of offenders committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
,
besides
positioning police officers on the street
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the same advantageous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
criminals will be conscious due to cameras or police existence, then they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be afraid of
being caught
if commit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. A similar initiative in Shanghai, China, resulted in a 10% decreased in street
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
in 2015.

Nevertheless
, this issue
also
has the demerits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
on cutting out working time due to curfew
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
. By enacting that regulation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cities have succeeded to decline the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
at night. The result,
however
,
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
productive hours for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to work at night
usually
such as sales promotion officers. About 1 million SPG (Sales Promotion Girl) protested against curfew
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
in Saudi Arabia in 1990, with the reason that they were unable to complete daily target.

To conclude
, developing any measures, as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
growing upper,
are needed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the urban area feel secure. Based
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
statement above, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
of this issue is wider, which can be more worthwhile for almost societies, compared to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side of this implication, that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
matter in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
group of societies.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Essay topics: more and more measures to improve the security in the urban area have been introduced because of the increased crime. Do the benefits of the measures outweigh the drawbacks? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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