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In some countries in Europe, some children from the age of 11 or 13 go to schools to learn more practical skills that will help them get a job. Other children stay in schools which provide a more general academic education. What should schools do to prepare students for the world of work? v.7

In some countries in Europe, some children from the age of 11 or 13 go to schools to learn more practical skills that will help them get a job. Other children stay in schools which provide a more general academic education. What should schools do to prepare students for the world of work? v. 7
In this modern world, Employment plays a pivotal role in the survival of human beings. It is observed that in some places in Europe, young students gain hands-on experience from schools, however, another of the same age group prefer to learn studies being in school. In this essay, I will scrutinize both the views to decide my conclusion. To embark on, It is rightly said that 'The more you experience, the more you would learn'. Students definitely require demonstrative knowledge in addition to the curriculum courses offered in schools because, until he or she performs a specific task by himself or herself, he or she barely would be able to accomplish with the help of theoretical knowledge only. It has been observed in many schools that the lectures and experiments should be covered equally and one should qualify both the credits respectively, as it helps students to gain some practical knowledge as well. For instance, learning a car by tutorial will be of no use until one starts driving by his own. Hence, both experiments and demonstration on a particular topic are equally important to prepare a student for working. Moreover, there are candidates who are keen to learn the curriculum courses only, this is in fact essential, as it helps people to meet the eligibility criteria set up for a specific job. For instance, to get admission in masters degree one should have scored 75 percent in bachelors degree, so the practical knowledge gained might not be useful if done in graduation. Therefore, there should be schools that ecourage the academic knowledge up to a great extent. To recapitulate, theoretical skills and field work are of equal importance to prepare young students towards their career. Both would be useful in combination too, as it would make student as the best of both the worlds.
In this modern world, Employment plays a pivotal role in the survival of human beings.

It
is observed
that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
places in Europe, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
gain hands-on experience from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
,
however
, another of the same age group prefer to learn studies being in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. In this essay, I will scrutinize both the views to decide my conclusion.

To embark on, It is
rightly
said that 'The more you experience, the more you would learn'.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
definitely require demonstrative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
in addition
to the curriculum courses offered in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, until he or she performs a specific task by himself or herself, he or she
barely
would be able to accomplish with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of theoretical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. It has
been observed
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
that the lectures and experiments should
be covered
equally
and one should qualify both the credits
respectively
, as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
as well
.
For instance
, learning a car by tutorial will be of no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
until one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
driving by his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
Hence
, both experiments and demonstration on a particular topic are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to prepare a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
for working.

Moreover
, there are candidates who are keen to learn the curriculum courses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
, this is in fact essential, as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the eligibility criteria set up for a specific job.
For instance
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
admission in
For an academic degree, use "master’s".
masters
degree one should have scored 75 percent in bachelors degree,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
gained might not be useful if done in graduation.
Therefore
, there should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
that
Possible spelling mistake found.
ecourage
the academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
up to a great extent.

To recapitulate, theoretical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and field work are of equal importance to prepare young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
towards their career. Both would be useful in combination too, as it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
as the best of both the worlds.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries in Europe, some children from the age of 11 or 13 go to schools to learn more practical skills that will help them get a job. Other children stay in schools which provide a more general academic education. What should schools do to prepare students for the world of work? v. 7

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
305 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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