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A lot of places in the world rely on tourism as a main source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not managed correctly. Describe the advantages and disadvantages of tourism in the modern world. Do you think that benefits of tourism outweight its drawbacks? v.6

A lot of places in the world rely on tourism as a main source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not managed correctly. Describe the advantages and disadvantages of tourism in the modern world. Do you think that benefits of tourism outweight its drawbacks? v. 6
Over the last few years, the tourist industry has been growing enormously. While tourism generates a significant portion of income for many countries around the world, there are also drawbacks to consider. This essay will examine the advantages and disadvantages of tourism before arriving at a reasonable conclusion. First and foremost, it is true that tourism contributes to the economy of a nation as well a large number of employment opportunities for local inhabitants. Tourists spend a lot money on various services such as hotels, transportation, food and medical, due to the fact that, more money is adding to the economy of a nation. In addition, tourism increases employment for local people by bringing new jobs. For example, the rush of tourists results into more demand of hotels, tourist guider and many more, this encourage local business to hire more people to fulfill the needs. However, tourism also has some drawbacks affecting the environment and state of cleanliness of popular tourist places. For example, Bali, a destination which is located in the Southeast of Indonesia, has been getting hotter day by day, due to the increasing number of tourists. In the past few years, the average temperature got increased from 25 to 28 degree Celsius. Moreover, most of the places lack of cleanliness because of overcrowd in these places. In conclusion, although tourism has some drawbacks such as environmental impact and cleanliness, however, it has a positive impact on the economy of the country and provide a large number of jobs. I believe that advantages totally outweigh the disadvantages.
Over the last few years, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
industry has been growing
enormously
. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
generates a significant portion of income for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries around the world, there are
also
drawbacks to consider. This essay will examine the advantages and disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
arriving at a reasonable conclusion.

First
and foremost, it is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
contributes to the economy of a nation
as well
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
employment opportunities for local inhabitants.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Tourists
spend
If you mean a great quantity, use "a lot of money"?
a lot money
on various services such as hotels, transportation, food and medical, due to the fact that, more money is adding to the economy of a nation.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
increases employment for local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
by bringing new jobs.
For example
, the rush of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
results into more demand of hotels,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
guider and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more,
The verb 'encourage' is plural. Did you mean: "this encourages"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
this encourage
local business to hire more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to fulfill the needs.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks affecting the environment and state of cleanliness of popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
places.
For example
, Bali, a destination which
is located
in the Southeast of Indonesia, has been getting hotter day by day, due to the increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
. In the past few years, the average temperature
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
increased from 25 to 28 degree Celsius.
Moreover
, most of the places lack of cleanliness
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of overcrowd in these places.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks such as environmental impact and cleanliness,
however
, it has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on the economy of the country and provide
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
jobs. I believe that advantages
totally
outweigh the disadvantages.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay A lot of places in the world rely on tourism as a main source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not managed correctly. Describe the advantages and disadvantages of tourism in the modern world. Do you think that benefits of tourism outweight its drawbacks? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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