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Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. v.14

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. v. 14
Advertising has advanced to a great extent in the past decade due to cut throat competition in the market. Every company wants to promote their products and increase the brand value and earn more and more money. And advertising helps to a great extent. In today’s world, we can see a huge of products in the same category and therefore, to stand out in the market, the companies prefer better advertisements or banner or even better packaging. So, when the target customer watches the advertisements on the TV or in newspapers, what they see are their magnified good qualities or features. Because people in today’s world care about saving money wherever possible, the companies use the words like “SALE” or “Discounts” to attract people. We, as a customer, see an opportunity to save money and think of buying the product without even looking into the details of them or whether we need it or not. I will take the example of Amazon Echo. In the advertisements, what we see is that the owner asks to play a song or asks for an information and echo plays that song or replies with the answer. We start to think about “It is so small”, “How can it do it? ”, “What if I have it and use it for so many things? ”. But what the product is really doing is making the people lazy and lethargic. It is taking you away from learning it by yourself by looking into books or on the web. So, in conclusion, I would like to say that people should be thinking about the positives of the product and its usefulness in their life, rather than getting mesmerized by the looks and the way it has been presented in the advertisements.
Advertising has advanced to a great extent in the past decade due to
'cut throat' seems to be a compound adjective in front of a noun. Use a hyphen: "cut-throat".
cut throat
competition in the market. Every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
wants to promote their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and increase the brand value and earn more and more money. And advertising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to a great extent.

In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
The phrase 'a huge of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'a' and 'of'.
a huge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in the same category and
therefore
, to stand out in the market, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
prefer better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
or banner or even better packaging.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, when the target customer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watches
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
on the TV or in newspapers, what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
are their magnified
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
qualities or features.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world care about saving money wherever possible, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the words like “SALE” or “Discounts” to attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. We, as a customer,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
an opportunity to save money and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of buying the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
without even looking into the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
of them or whether we need it or not.

I will take the example of Amazon Echo. In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
, what we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
is that the owner asks to play a song or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
asks for
an information and echo plays that song or replies with the answer. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about “It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
”, “How can it do it? ”, “What if I have it and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things? ”.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
what the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
is
really
doing is making the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lazy and lethargic. It is taking you away from learning it by yourself by looking into books or on the web.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
in conclusion
, I would like to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be thinking about the positives of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
and its usefulness in their life,
rather
than getting mesmerized by the looks and the way it has
been presented
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. v. 14

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
295 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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