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Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. v.15

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. v. 15
Advertisement is a tool that helps consumers to identify a product or service. It is a way of sharing a story about them or their services. History shows that storytelling had been a part of human evolution. Companies and brands have been using this since the idea of consumerism have been established. In my opinion, advertisements paint a clear picture about merchandises that are available in the market for buyers. Today we see advertisements on various platforms like print media, radio, television, internet and social media. There are myriad formats of advertisements like commercials, posters, banners, hoarding, radio jingles, online ads, etc. I personally love short commercials which tell us a story. The recent Dove commercial which reflects women empowerment is a brilliant ad campaign. They shared stories of different women from different walks of life across the globe and never did they mention their product except at the end. The ad was a success as it was an awareness project which ditched the old idea of beauty and that women in today’s world is capable of doing any work. Similarly, another ad which caught my attention was Coca-Cola promoting its “Avengers” cans launched during the release of the new “Avengers” movie. It simply talked about its new product using the recent trend. Another great Indian campaign was “A drop of life” on polio drops, which turned out pivotal in putting India on the map of the polio free nations. In conclusion, I would like to say advertisement is a beautiful art that helps us to know about different things around us and we always have a choice to make the right decision for ourselves regarding a purchase. We really cannot blame it on advertisements.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Advertisement
is a tool that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
consumers to identify a product or service. It is a way of sharing a story about them or their services. History
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that storytelling had been a part of human evolution.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
and brands have been using this since the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of consumerism have
been established
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
paint a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
picture about merchandises that are available in the market for buyers.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
on various platforms like print media, radio, television, internet and social media. There are myriad formats of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
like commercials, posters, banners, hoarding, radio jingles, online ads, etc.

I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
short commercials which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
us a story. The recent Dove commercial which reflects women empowerment is a brilliant ad campaign. They shared stories of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
women from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
walks of life across the globe and never did they mention their product except at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
. The ad was a success as it was an awareness project which ditched the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of beauty and that women in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world is capable of doing any work.

Similarly
, another ad which caught my attention was Coca-Cola promoting its “Avengers” cans launched during the release of the new “Avengers” movie. It
simply
talked about its new product using the recent trend. Another great Indian campaign was “A drop of life” on polio drops, which turned out pivotal in putting India on the map of the polio free nations.

In conclusion
, I would like to say
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
art that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to know about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
things around
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
us and
we always have a choice to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the right decision for ourselves regarding a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
. We
really
cannot blame it on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. v. 15

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
285 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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