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In some countries, even though the rates of serious crimes are decreasing, people feel less safer than ever before. what do you think the causes of this problem and what measures should be taken to solve it? v.1

In some countries, even though the rates of serious crimes are decreasing, people feel less safer than ever before. what do you think the causes of this problem and what measures should be taken to solve it? v. 1
Although the number of crime rates is reducing, people still do not feel secure enough. The primary cause of this phenomena is crime movies and the most viable solution is that governments should forbid the production of violent movies. The main cause of this problem is an increase in the number of violent movies broadcasted on television. This is because such movies are extremely profitable as they are watched by a large proportion of society and people relate them to the real life experience. Unfortunately, such movies influence their audience and they may lead to real crimes in society. For example, according to a report by Mumbai Mirror, 80% of people in Mumbai city installed CCTV camera outside their house after watching a film called Money Heist because people do not feel safe and have the feeling that they can be robbed at any moment. To tackle this predicament, authorities should stop the production of crime movies and even stop showing it to the public. That is to say, governments should review each movie content before releasing it in public and banning movies which can create insecurities among people. By presenting good pictures of society, governments can reduce the anxiety that causes viewer to feel unsafe. For instance, a similar initiative was taken by the Germany government by banning crime movies, as a result, 60% of people are now less concerned with the crime rates in that country. In conclusion, although crime rates have declined from the past, people still feel unsafe in many countries because of the crimes movies. The best solution to deal with this problem is to prohibit showing violent movies
Although the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates is reducing,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
secure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
. The primary cause of
Did you mean "these"?
this
phenomena is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and the most viable solution is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should forbid the production of violent movies.

The main cause of this problem is an increase in the number of violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
broadcasted on television. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
are
extremely
profitable as they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
by a large proportion of society and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
relate them to the real life experience. Unfortunately, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
influence their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
audience and
they may lead to real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
in society.
For example
, according to a report by Mumbai Mirror, 80% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in Mumbai city installed CCTV camera outside their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
after watching a film called Money Heist
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
safe and have the feeling that they can
be robbed
at any moment.

To tackle this predicament, authorities should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the production of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
showing it to the public.
That is
to say,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should review each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
content
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
releasing it in public and banning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
which can create insecurities among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. By presenting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
pictures of society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the anxiety that causes viewer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
unsafe.
For instance
, a similar initiative
was taken
by the Germany
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
by banning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
,
as a result
, 60% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
less concerned with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates in that country.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates have declined from the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
unsafe in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
. The best solution to deal with this problem is to prohibit showing violent
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
movies
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay In some countries, even though the rates of serious crimes are decreasing, people feel less safer than ever before. what do you think the causes of this problem and what measures should be taken to solve it? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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