Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

In some countries, even though the rates of serious crimes are decreasing, people feel less safe than ever before. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to solve it? v.3

In some countries, even though the rates of serious crimes are decreasing, people feel less safe than ever before. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to solve it? v. 3
Even with the decrease in the rates of major crimes, people are not feeling much safer than before in a few countries. I think, the two major reasons for this problem are advancements in the fields of technology and social media and people not socializing much outside their circle. In the past two decades, there was a rapid surge of advancements in the technology and social media. Before social media took over the conversation system, if people want to talk to each other or state their opinions, they have to write letters to each other or converse face to face. People got to know whom they are speaking to. But, with the entry of social media in our lives, people can pop their opinions sitting behind the computers in their rooms. A new concept of bullying called online bullying came into existence where anyone can say anything about any person in this world without their identity being revealed. Several instances where celebrities are body shamed on their social media platforms came out which scars most of them for life. The other reason being people not getting to know each other enough. If people communicate with each other, as they come to understand each other their social stigma will decrease. Not being able to have enough trust and confidence in, other humans causes people to feel less secure. I believe that people need to be educated about the concept of "be good and do good" right from their childhood. By telling them not to indulge in the activities that will cause trouble to others. The adults and teenagers should also made to be known that bullying and creating problems to others will not lessen their problems.
Even with the decrease in the rates of major crimes,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not feeling much safer than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
in a few countries. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, the two major reasons for this problem are advancements in the fields of technology and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not socializing much outside their circle.

In the past two decades, there was a rapid surge of advancements in the technology and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
took over the conversation system, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to talk to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
or state their opinions, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
write letters to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
or converse face to face.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
to know whom they are speaking to.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, with the entry of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can pop their opinions sitting behind the computers in their rooms. A new concept of bullying called online bullying came into existence where anyone can say anything about any person in this world without their identity
being revealed
. Several instances where celebrities are body shamed on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
platforms came out which scars most of them for life.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
reason being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not getting to know each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
communicate with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to understand each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
stigma will decrease. Not being able to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
trust and confidence in,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
humans causes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to feel less secure.

I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to
be educated
about the concept of
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
right from their childhood. By telling them not to indulge in the activities that will cause trouble to others. The adults and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
should
also
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "make"
made
to
be known
that bullying and creating problems to others will not lessen their problems.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay In some countries, even though the rates of serious crimes are decreasing, people feel less safe than ever before. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to solve it? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts