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Some people think that public health is the responsibility of a government while others think that people should be responsible for their health. Discuss both sides and give your opinion? v.1

Some people think that public health is the responsibility of a government while others think that people should be responsible for their health. v. 1
Some would argue that the authorities are responsible for an individual's health, whilst others believe that people should be held responsible for their Health and Care. In my opinion, I consider that an individual must take care of his or her health because is totally up to them how they can go with their lifestyle. On the one hand, some argue that government or to make sure the people's health take care of. In other words, they believe that authorities have the responsibility for providing quality healthcare facilities, even though If not possible for free yet much affordable for its citizens because the government collect huge taxes from them. Therefore, people must be given fundamental human rights, where best Healthcare is one of them. For instance, in the USA, public health is by the law a state's responsibility. On the other hand, some words that people's need to be cautious about their health status. As been bestowed with the ability to think among living things, is crucial that one ought to have control over their lifestyle which includes taking a balanced diet, doing regular exercise and timely consultation with health caregivers. For example, despite Norway's expensive Healthcare policy, they have higher health index than their many counterparts because its citizens have relatively Healthy lifestyle than others, which makes them fit and healthy. In conclusion, while people may vary in their opinion, I am inclined to believe that public health exclusively depends on people's choices and their ways of living life which make them master of their health.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
would argue that the authorities are responsible for an individual's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, whilst others believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
be held
responsible for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
and Care. In my opinion, I consider that an individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take care of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
is
totally
up to them how they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
go with
their lifestyle.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
or to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
take care of. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, they believe that authorities have the responsibility for providing quality healthcare facilities,
even though
If not possible for free
yet
much affordable for its citizens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
collect huge taxes from them.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
fundamental human rights,
A determiner is probably missing here: "where the best".
where best
Healthcare is one of them.
For instance
, in the USA, public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is by the law a state's responsibility.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
words that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's need to be cautious about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
status. As
been bestowed
with the ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
among living things, is crucial that one ought to have control over their lifestyle which includes taking a balanced diet, doing regular exercise and timely consultation with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
caregivers.
For example
, despite Norway's expensive Healthcare policy, they have higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
index than their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
counterparts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
its citizens have
relatively
Healthy lifestyle than others, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them fit and healthy.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may vary in their opinion, I
am inclined
to believe that public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
exclusively depends on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's choices and their ways of living life which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them master of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that public health is the responsibility of a government while others think that people should be responsible for their health. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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