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Youth drug abuse is a serious problem. What are the possible causes of this behaviour? Do you have any suggestion to control that? v.1

Youth drug abuse is a serious problem. What are the possible causes of this behaviour? Do you have any suggestion to control that? v. 1
Youth drug abuse is perhaps the most notorious and concerning issue that the poor and rich nations suffer from equally. Many young talents are wasted and families are destroyed due to drug abuse, especially by teenagers. Not only the illegal drugs are being abused, but also the youth's experiment with the alcohol and illegal substances are on the rise. Suggesting accurate remedies for youth drug abuse is quite tough as it requires a clear understanding of the underlying reasons. To note down the possible reasons for youth drug abuse, we need to consider the availability of these drugs and corrupted police department first. According to several recent news reports and investigations, the police department has the list of all drug dealers and possible spots where illegal drugs are sold. If this is the case, why they are yet to wipe out the illegal drug business from the city? Possibly money and corruption play a role here. Some people say that family bonding in modern life is not as close as they used to be. Due to family issues and pressure, many young people start abusing drugs. Initially, they find it a relief but soon they get trapped. Thirdly, the lack of proper counselling and teenagers curiosity drive many teenagers to try new drugs. This is a serious trend and family and teachers must consult with students to find out whether they have some bad companies who are on drugs. The concrete reason for young to abuse drugs are still unclear and many psychologists and sociologists blame the examples set by the elders. Public advertisements, magazines and movies that depict smoking and drinking can attract young minds to try them and this is just the beginning that ends is abusing serious substances like cocaine or heroin. Personally, I would like to suggest that the authority should try to wipe out the illegal drug businesses from the country. If the illegal drug business is closed, teenagers would not be curious to try them. Another way to tackle this issue by having a better family bonding and parents spending quality time with the children. Finally, all sorts of public advertisement of tobacco or alcohol should be banned. Hopefully, the day is close when we will have no young drug abuser in our society and this can be achieved by us - as a father, as a teacher, as a friend and finally as a law-enforcing officer. If we play our roles properly, we will have a better society
Youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abuse
is perhaps the most notorious and concerning issue that the poor and rich nations suffer from
equally
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
talents
are wasted
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abuse
,
especially
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
are
being abused
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the youth's experiment with the alcohol and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illegal
substances are on the rise. Suggesting accurate remedies for youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abuse
is quite tough as it requires a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
understanding of the underlying reasons.

To note down the possible reasons for youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abuse
, we need to consider the availability of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
and corrupted police department
first
. According to several recent news reports and investigations, the police department has the list of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
dealers and possible spots where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
are sold
. If this is the case, why they are
yet
to wipe out the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
business from the city?
Possibly
money and corruption play a role here.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
bonding in modern life is not as close as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be. Due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
issues and pressure,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
abusing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
.
Initially
, they find it a relief
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
trapped.
Thirdly
, the lack of proper counselling and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
curiosity drive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
to try new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
. This is a serious trend and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
consult with students to find out whether they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
who are on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
. The concrete reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abuse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
are
still
unclear and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
psychologists and sociologists blame the examples set by the elders. Public advertisements, magazines and movies that depict smoking and drinking can attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
minds to try them and this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
the beginning that ends is abusing serious substances like cocaine or heroin.

Personally
, I would like to suggest that the authority should try to wipe out the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
businesses from the country. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
business
is closed
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
would not be curious to try them. Another way to tackle this issue by having a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
bonding and parents spending quality time with the children.
Finally
, all sorts of public
The usual collocation for "advertisement" is "for" not "of". Did you mean "advertisement for"?
advertisement of
tobacco or alcohol should
be banned
.

Hopefully
, the day is close when we will have no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
abuser in our society and this can
be achieved
by us
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
as a father, as a teacher, as a friend and
finally
as a law-enforcing officer. If we play our roles
properly
, we will have a better
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
society
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
41Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Youth drug abuse is a serious problem. What are the possible causes of this behaviour? Do you have any suggestion to control that? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
414 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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