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Some people think that there should be some strict controls about noise. Others think that they could just make as much as noise as they want. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.3

Some people think that there should be some strict controls about noise. Others think that they could just make as much as noise as they want. v. 3
Nowadays noise pollution has resulted in various sources, and this causes several problems to the community. Some people assume that this ought to be strictly controlled, while others share a different view. I personally accept the former view in which the deafening sound should be limited. On the one hand, many people consider that loudness emitted from certain sources are is entertainment form due to the fact that it could bring a joyful experience for the people. The sound coming from music concert, for example, is believed to rise the spirit and lessen the stress in the community. Thus, this type of sound should not be reduced as it can bring benefit to the public. However, many reasons can justify the idea of alleviation of the high decibel sound resulting from various sources such as factory machines or traffic. First of all, people exposed continuously to loud noise might raise several health issues such as permanent deteriorating hearing resulting in losing the ability to communicate effectively. Furthermore, high-pitched sound leads to a lapse of concentration as it interferes with brain performance. Students, for instance, experience the difficulty to concentrate on their studies if they are exposed to the disturbing sound. This leads to a decrease in their academic performance, and for the long run, it will impact on the decrease in human resource quality. Therefore, I am convinced that the noise should be reduced/restricted as it brings out many issues for society. To sum up, while there is a reason for people to generate noise as much as they can, I believe that the disturbing sound should be blocked out.
Nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
pollution has resulted in various sources, and this causes several problems to the community.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
assume that this ought to be
strictly
controlled, while others share a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
view. I
personally
accept the former view in which the deafening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sound
should
be limited
.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider that loudness emitted from certain sources are is entertainment form due to the fact that it could bring a joyful experience for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sound
coming from music concert,
for example
,
is believed
to rise the spirit and lessen the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
in the community.
Thus
, this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sound
should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
as it can bring benefit to the public.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons can justify the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of alleviation of the high decibel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sound
resulting from various sources such as factory machines or traffic.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
exposed
continuously
to loud
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
might raise several health issues such as permanent deteriorating hearing resulting in losing the ability to communicate
effectively
.
Furthermore
, high-pitched
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sound
leads to a lapse of concentration as it interferes with brain performance. Students,
for instance
, experience the difficulty to concentrate on their studies if they
are exposed
to the disturbing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sound
. This leads to a decrease in their academic performance, and for the long run, it will impact on the decrease in human resource quality.
Therefore
, I
am convinced
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
/restricted as it brings out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
issues for society.

To sum up, while there is a reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to generate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
as much as they can, I believe that the disturbing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sound
should
be blocked
out.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Some people think that there should be some strict controls about noise. Others think that they could just make as much as noise as they want. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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