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In some countries, even though the rates of crimes are decreasing, people feel less safe than ever before. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to solve it? v.1

In some countries, even though the rates of crimes are decreasing, people feel less safe than ever before. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to solve it? v. 1
Despite the fact that the rate of atrocities is declining in some states, people feel less secure as opposed to the past. Recently people have more access to the digital world and media such as news channels and social media try to wreak havoc upon every minor incident by intensifying it and this can be impeded from making stringent policies for media, so that they would not have legal sanctions to on the air the more violent contents. The principal cause of this obstacle is the sprawling news of offensive happenings through news channels and social media such as Facebook, Instagaram and YouTube. News containing pictures and videos of crime proliferates within a blink of an eye and people starts feeling frightened. Although wrongdoing is being perpetrated on any part of the world, it creates grim across the globe. Due to this problem that people are fearful, depression rate has been increasing day by day all over the world. For an example, a recent survey conducted by Government sector in America revealed that 40% of the population are suffering from depression and it has also found during this survey that 50% of inflicted are those who are using social media most. The most viable solution is to implement stricter rules and policies for the news channels and particularly for social media companies. States should enforce laws, not only for uploading videos of brutality and hostility, but also for the reality of the news. This practice can be dissipated by implementing strict punishments and penalties for those who abolish the laws. Furthermore, public awareness can also play a vital role to mitigate the hazardous impacts of this problem. For example, Germany imposed strict laws and launched an awareness scheme and they got wonderful results to lessen the depression question. In conclusion, however, the crime rate is low in some nations but, folks are more fearful. Reason for this issue is more exposed to the lawlessness in all across the globe through media and most powerful solution is the implementation of rules and public awareness programs.
Despite the fact that the rate of atrocities is declining in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
states,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel less secure as opposed to the past. Recently
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more access to the digital world and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
channels and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
try to wreak havoc upon every minor incident by intensifying it and this can
be impeded
from making stringent policies for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they would not have legal sanctions to on the air the more violent contents.

The principal cause of this obstacle is the sprawling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
of offensive happenings through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
channels and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
such as Facebook,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Instagaram
and YouTube.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
News
containing pictures and videos of crime proliferates within a blink of an eye and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
starts
feeling frightened. Although wrongdoing is
being perpetrated
on any part of the world, it creates grim across the globe. Due to this problem that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are fearful, depression rate has been increasing day by day all over the world. For an example, a recent survey conducted by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
sector in America revealed that 40% of the population are suffering from depression and it has
also
found during this survey that 50% of inflicted are those who are using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
most.

The most viable solution is to implement stricter
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and policies for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
channels and
particularly
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. States should enforce laws, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for uploading videos of brutality and hostility,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for the reality of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
. This practice can
be dissipated
by implementing strict punishments and penalties for those who abolish the laws.
Furthermore
, public awareness can
also
play a vital role to mitigate the hazardous impacts of this problem.
For example
, Germany imposed strict laws and launched an awareness
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
scheme and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
wonderful results to lessen the depression question.

In conclusion
,
however
, the crime rate is low in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, folks are more fearful. Reason for this issue is more exposed to the lawlessness in all across the globe through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and most powerful solution is the implementation of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and public awareness programs.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
One who speaks only one language is one person, but one who speaks two languages is two people.
Turkish proverb

IELTS essay In some countries, even though the rates of crimes are decreasing, people feel less safe than ever before. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to solve it? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
344 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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