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In some countries, employees are generally given two weeks of paid vacation time each year. In other countries, employees are given four or six weeks of paid vacation time. Considering the needs of both employee and employer, what do you think is a reasonable amount of paid vacation time for employees to have? v.2

In some countries, employees are generally given two weeks of paid vacation time each year. In other countries, employees are given four or six weeks of paid vacation time. Considering the needs of both employee and employer, what do you think is a reasonable amount of paid vacation time for employees to have? v. 2
The amount of appropriate holiday leaves is debatable. Although some countries normally provide two weeks of paid annual leaves, others may give up to six weeks for their employees. In my opinion, I believe that every organisation should give the maximum amount of vacation time, in order to reduce the work pressure and to retain their employees, which will be discussed further in the essay below. On the employees perspective, having a 6weeks yearly vacation can improve their mental health significantly. This is due to the fact that work environment often produces stress and pressures, which can directly affect to their well-being. The Japanese workers, for instance, have the highest number of suicide attempts, as the subordinates often were forced to do unpaid overtime jobs with limited holidays period. If the workers are given enough time for vacations, this will lead them to be more content and have greater motivations to go to the office. Therefore, higher paid annual leaves tend to affect the employee's mental health positively. On the employers perspective, providing a higher amount of yearly leaves can increase the loyalty of the workers. This is because of the increase in job satisfaction, which other companies may not be able to offer. According to 'The Economist', many organisations in Australia generally offer up 7weeks of yearly leaves, in order to retain their employees. Moreover, survey discovered that they are willing to put extra work and would rather choose holidays period over salaries. Hence, offering more vacation time can greatly impact the employer, since they will likely to be more loyal to the company. In conclusion, although the number of reasonable paid vacations is widely argued, I believe that giving a higher holidays towards the workers are generally beneficial for both the employee and organisations.
The amount of appropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaves
is debatable. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries
normally
provide two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weeks
of paid annual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaves
, others may give up to six
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weeks
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
. In my opinion, I believe that every
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
should give the maximum amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
time, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the work pressure and to retain their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
, which will
be discussed
further
in the essay below.

On the
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "employees'" or "employee's"?
employees
perspective, having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
6weeks
yearly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their mental health
significantly
.
This is due to the fact that
work environment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
produces
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and pressures, which can
directly
affect to their well-being. The Japanese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
,
for instance
, have the highest number of suicide attempts, as the subordinates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
were forced
to do unpaid overtime jobs with limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
period. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacations
, this will lead them to be more content and have greater motivations to go to the office.
Therefore
, higher paid annual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaves
tend to affect the employee's mental health
positively
.

On the
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "employers'" or "employer's"?
employers
perspective, providing a higher amount of yearly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaves
can increase the loyalty of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the increase in job satisfaction, which other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
may not be able to offer. According to 'The Economist',
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
in Australia
generally
offer up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
7weeks
of yearly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaves
, in order to retain their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
.
Moreover
, survey discovered that they are willing to put extra work and would
rather
choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
period over salaries.
Hence
, offering more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
time can
greatly
impact the employer, since they will likely to be more loyal to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

In conclusion
, although the number of reasonable paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacations
is
widely
argued, I believe that giving a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
are
generally
beneficial for both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, employees are generally given two weeks of paid vacation time each year. In other countries, employees are given four or six weeks of paid vacation time. Considering the needs of both employee and employer, what do you think is a reasonable amount of paid vacation time for employees to have? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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