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It has been seen that these days, some workplaces tend to employ equal numbers of men and women workers. Do you think it is a positive or negative development. v.1

It has been seen that these days, some workplaces tend to employ equal numbers of men and women workers. Do you think it is a positive or negative development. v. 1
It is now a trend in multinational companies and large organizations to give equal roles to women employees in the workplace. This is a very healthy initiative which has led to an increase in the number of women being employed and the numbers are now catching up with that of the male employees in such organizations. In my view, this is a highly positive development which has got a plethora of merits for our nation. Firstly, talent and hard work of any individual needs to be appreciated and awarded without any discrimination. Such policies help organizations realize the potential of their employees and achieve their business goals faster. For example, the turnaround story of Pepsico from crisis by choosing a non-board-member women to be their chief illustrates the point. Secondly, a recent study by the University of California on the workplace gender ratio showed that teams with an equal proportion of men and women tend to be more productive than those dominated by one gender. NASA, the most successful space exploration agency, uses the results of this study in structuring their teams and to plan even their interplanetary mission crews. Although it is understandable that women are physically weak as compared to men and that they are not completely out of the age-old social stigma which makes them take up more responsibilities towards their families, they have made up for such negative factors by their sheer hard work and persistence. So, women being treated and employed just like any other human being is one of the biggest revolutions which is happening in our times and it holds the key for the sustainable development of any nation in the world.
It is
now
a trend in multinational
companies
and large organizations to give equal roles to
women
employees in the workplace. This is a
very
healthy initiative which has led to an increase in the number of
women
being employed
and the numbers are
now
catching up with that of the male employees in such organizations. In my view, this is a
highly
positive
development which has
got
a plethora of merits for our nation.

Firstly
, talent and
hard
work of any individual needs to
be appreciated
and awarded without any discrimination. Such policies
help
organizations realize the potential of their employees and achieve their business goals faster.
For example
, the turnaround story of
Pepsico
from crisis by choosing a non-board-member
women
to be their chief illustrates the point.

Secondly
, a recent study by the University of California on the workplace gender ratio
showed
that teams with an equal proportion of
men
and
women
tend to be more productive than those dominated by one gender. NASA, the most successful space exploration agency,
uses
the results of this study in structuring their teams and to plan even their interplanetary mission crews.

Although it is understandable that
women
are
physically
weak as compared to
men
and that they are not completely out of the age-
old
social stigma which
makes
them take up more responsibilities towards their families, they have made up for such
negative
factors by their sheer
hard
work and persistence.
So
,
women
being treated
and employed
just
like any other human being is one of the biggest revolutions which is happening in our times and it holds the key for the sustainable development of any nation in the world.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay It has been seen that these days, some workplaces tend to employ equal numbers of men and women workers. Do you think it is a positive or negative development. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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